Ethan Desjarlais

Distributing craic like it's nobody's business.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

There is a vas deferens between being a man and being a father.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Misha:

“This is how you say ‘sandwich’ in Spanish:

...

...

Sandwich.”

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

“Happy Sometimes Day!”
“Misha, I don’t think Sometimes Day is a real thing.”
“Sometimes it is.”

Can’t argue with that logic. #happysometimesday

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

“If you touch the sun with your finger instead of a rocket ship, you will burn your finger.”

#sciencefacts, brought to you by Misha.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

I walked downstairs to receive a lecture from the four-year-old about tectonic plates causing lava volcanoes and that the sun is hotter than lava.

So there’s that to ponder this morning.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Some of y’all beat yourselves up constantly and it really shows in how you tear others down.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Where were all these card games when I was an ER nurse?

All I got was 12+ hour shifts, many of those without having eaten so much as a snack or having had time to go to the bathroom.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

I keep forgetting about Twitter for months at a time. What do people even use it for, other than watching @realDonaldTrump complain about something every two hours?

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Good news, guys!

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

I'm a little sad that Trump won't win only because his supporters won't get to see why he was such a terrible candidate.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

@penacolada11 I read PEAR attack videos and was confused.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

We live in a world when I have to tell my three-year-old that the only person who gets what he wants by whining and crying is the president of the United States.

[Archbishop of Canterbury @ArchbishopSarah]

Professor Stephen Hawking’s contribution to science was as limitless as the universe he devoted his life to understanding. His was a life lived with bravery and passion. As we pray for all those who mourn him, may he rest in peace.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Acoustic attacks.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Misha, after accidentally knocking over a cup:

"Be careful, cup!"

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

I don't understand why people post political vids from their cars. What's the appeal? Is it so they can drive off to safety after speaking?

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Regardless of whether or not we should've bombed, it's hard to justify cutting these programs while frivolously showing excessive force. https://t.co/GZVJUAerPB

[Dẫяҡ 🎃 Høğġặñ ™ ® © @Markho23]

60 Tomahawk missiles cost about = $84,000,000

Meals on Wheels: Each meal is $7.39, seniors are encouraged to donate what they can afford.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Here's an appropriate gif response to just about anything @realDonaldTrump says.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

My reliable dating advice is founded upon [zero] research.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Pro tip: avoid "the refugee problem" by not firebombing their homes and overthrowing their leaders when they don't share your perspective.

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

Is it Groundhog Day again for anyone else...?

[Ethan Desjarlais @asthemusicfades]

I wake up, hear my kid being loud in the other room.

Wife: Shh, daddy's trying to sleep.
Wife, ten seconds later: *turns vacuum on*