Will Ackerman

Hey it's me.

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

if I ever die, assume I faked it

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Been seeing a lot of pro-Weezer propaganda going around lately. Stay safe out there fellas.

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Credit Karma always hyping me up. I know, if nobody else, credit karma has my back.

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

I be workin

:(

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Will there be raisins at the function?

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

If you piss on the seats in a public bathroom and just leave it there, it's time to grow up

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Today I used child labor to find a missing deck of cards so I didn't have to, don't tell the UN

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

applebees consistently having the cleanest bathrooms is underrated af

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

tired of @canadianshits' Mr. krabs ass friends

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Man I shouldve been a meteorologist... wish I could get paid to be wrong half the time

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Defensive driving is for squares. Drive offensively, slow down for nothing. Pedestrians aren't real if you don't believe in them, sidewalks are just extra road but higher. And remember, they can't give you a ticket if they can't catch you

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Remember if you're planning on driving anywhere to make sure you know how to first. I know it might seem like a good idea to you to do 20 under the speed limit, but actually No

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

One of these days I'm just gonna show up at a roadwork site in the vest and helmet and pretend I'm a new hire that employment forgot to mention was coming on

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Me doing 90 in a 50, judging the dude doing a 100 past me for going too fast

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Walt Whitman Bridge really said let's have one lane open in the middle of rush hour. Fuck it why not

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

I think one of my favorite parts of 2020 was the CDC having to teach grown adults how to wash their hands

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Facebook group event where we get everybody to walk into their bank and withdraw all their money at 3:30, February 25th, itll be great

[ab @uhmahri]

bruh don’t honk at me cause i’ll put this bitch in park

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

looking for people to help me steal the liberty bell and replace it with a taco bell sign, then we leave the bell at the same taco bell we got the sign from

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

@Dayne_Costa thats some character development right there

[Will Ackerman @atcowackerman]

Effexor really comes for my neck the second I miss one (1) dose