Stephanie D

Whatever makes me happy, sets you free.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

Accountant called and started the conversation with “I’m about to break your heart.” Lord 😔

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

You are $0.04 away from free shipping!!

Be so fucking forreal 😑

[Desiree @DesireeAmerica4]

Imagine being in Vegas and hitting rock bottom, getting put in handcuffs, and a street performer instantly turns your arrest into a live freestyle track.

He is literally giving play-by-play commentary with a beat while she gets hauled off. Only in Vegas do you get a custom soundtrack for your downfall.😏

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

@LASHYBILLS This has happened to my newborn 4 times in the past month. Pediatrician explained to me that the baby cannot/will not die from spit up. Their bodies are built to handle it. But they do stop breathing for a bit. Get a nasal aspirator to speed up the process.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

Doctor checks my weight: ”Oh…well at least you don’t look it [number on scale].”

Thanks, thanks……

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

I’ve long thought the Macy’s Parade was boring but today I was tuned all the way in and almost teared up at some little kids performing, so I’ve officially unlocked the next level of adulthood.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

Did y’all use to eat these? Who makes the next best thing these days?

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

My husband asked my daughter why she didn’t like a story book. She responded that the main character
“just isn’t quite that pretty.”

And so now I think some of this is just embedded in my DNA.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

I have the complete opposite problem where I think everyone genuinely deserves to know when, where, and how they got me messed up.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

Disapponted to acknowledge that I can’t listen to about 70% of new rap songs, and I’m probably about 5 years away from just turning on smooth jazz or talk radio.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

To go back in time and see Wicked on Broadway with the original cast again. I had no idea I was witnessing such greatness. Nothing will top it.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

Buying liquor and the attendant says “Is that you?” when I show my ID.

Like yes dickhead it was me 7 years ago thanks for letting me know how far I’ve fallen from grace.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

My kid told me to hide for hide and seek and left me balled up in a corner because she actually just wanted to be left alone.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

Again!

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

Fixed the dishwasher after watching a YouTube video

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

It’s funny all the ways white people find in conversation to let you know who they did not vote for.

Because yes, thank you, I was wondering, and everyone is guilty until you claim your innocence.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

Okay so class moms really go all out with treat bags for Valentine’s Day….Put my lollipop and card with stickers TO SHAME. 🫠

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

My screen time went down 50% since the new administration, to a record low for me. Not about to let these folks stress me out for 4 years.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

@ulovee_chels Okay because you know I have no clue what that is.

[Stephanie D @AtStephsBehest]

😩😩😂😂😂gotta reenact this on girls night @ulovee_chels

[Wayno @Wayno119]

White people funny as shit