Attack of the Mother in Law

I’m just trying to survive a visit from my in laws.

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

We cleaned the bathrooms the day they arrived. She asked me where the cleaning supplies were to clean the bathroom. 😑 Because you should always clean for guests.

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Drop kid off. Get home and have 45min until pickup. FIL neeeeeds to eat right now and cannot wait for the dinner that takes 40min, causing me to eat cold food b/c pickup. She offers to get kid, ok. FIL then said he was waiting for her to get back to eat his food. 😑

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Let’s recap today. I’ve been asked in a “subtle” way when I’m going to get a job.

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Roughly 3 hours.She always complains we’re slobs/messy (ex: my 5yo doesn’t make her bed and our car has goldfish embedded into it, like every parent). We can vacuum,mop & scrub and she still finds a way to say it’s disgusting. 🙄 I wonder what her 1st remark will be about.

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Surprise! It’s been almost a year (how nice, right?!) but it’s almost time for our next visit. 😬😬😬😬 Wednesday it is. And they’re babysitting the kids while we leave town. BEST OF LUCK to us all.

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Decor has successfully been hidden. Even from Husband.

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Husband is annoyed with me because I was so disrespectful by keeping to myself. Just wait until he sees what I do with that decor. 🤷🏻‍♀️ #notsorry #illdisrespectthatshit

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

They left. General consensus:

When I speak: I’m offensive and hurt her feelings.
When I don’t speak: I’m offensive and hurt her feelings.

So now I don’t give a Fuck about your feelings because no matter what you’re offended. 😒 #bye #MIL #thereasonwomenarelabeledasemotional

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

She’s leaving at 5-6AM. Husband now has to wake up to say goodbye because she can’t carry her suitcase down. Why can’t he do it tonight? Did she forget we have a baby therefore we already sleep like crap? BUT ME ME ME ME ME. let’s wake up for a formal send off! #BYE

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

She touched my straw. She picked my straw up out of my cup to look at it. It’s metal. It’s not that special. DONT TOUCH SOMEONES STRAW. I then had to stand there and wait for her to leave the room to get a clean straw. #ew #theresapandemicbecauseofpeoplelikeyou #MIL

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Watching comedy special. She’s talking back to it like he can hear her.

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Asked MIL to remind FIL to put the toilet seat down. In the kids bathroom.

HOW DARE I BE SO RUDE! #shesakaren #MIL #itsalittlegirlsbathroom #theyllfallin #grownmanshouldknowbetter

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

5yo knocked 8mo over by accident (played in his face he flung backwards). So now I’m the asshole because he’s playing in my room now. AKA the only carpet downstairs and not tile. I’m depriving grandma, his head be damned, I guess.

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Why tf do you need to take your shoes off and leave them on the rug (5x5) my baby crawls on. It’s a small ass rug. Take your fucking dirty shoes and move them elsewhere. I don’t know, like the front door where EVERYone else leaves theirs? #gross #yourenotspecial

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

She said a friends MIL watches her baby because she lives nearby. To clarify: MY friends MIL must watch her baby because she lives near by. “I just assumed...” no, bitch. We lived nearby and I’d drop dead before having you be my child care. #fuckthat

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

In the words of 4yo when 5yo doesn’t shut up... “that’s too much talking!!!”

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

Oh. That same chick who had a baby, her friend does a movie night.

No clue who. No clue where. No clue why I’m being told about this. 😑

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

“You know who had another baby...” then names someone who knows someone who’s third sisters first cousin. Husband is so patient for entertaining her crap. I’m sitting back here rolling my eyes so hard saying he doesn’t give a fuck. #shejusttalkstotalk #stfu

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

My kid is jumping in a jumperoo. SHE TAUGHT HIM THAT. Despite that he’s jumped in it for months. But yes, dear blessed grandma has taught us everything. #gtfo #MIL

[Attack of the Mother in Law @attackoftheMIL]

RED ALERT. “Next time I drive out here”. You haven’t even left yet and you’re planning your next visit? Gtfo.