strawberry salamander

everybody listen up

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

from my roof

[Kevin Durant @KDTrey5]

Wassup people..jus chillin listening to a variety of different music...

[Ryan McEntush @rmcentush]

the chiefs win the super bowl. kelce passes the trophy to taylor before promptly getting down on one knee and proposing. 2 months pass and she announces her pregnancy. marriages and birth rates skyrocket. the CCP collapses. amazon moves HQ to kansas city. the S&P500 hits 9000

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

Just dropped a “to whom it may concern” in a letter to the city which means 2 things:

1. I am not paying this parking ticket
2. I have begun dying

[ÐEATHCỘRE ĐOGGY (Raccoon) @SAMOYEDCORE]

you know whats weird. they really spent like 5 years of our childhoods really fucking gassing up Johnny Appleseed. would not shut the fuck up about him. like he was some legendary american colossus or something then after 4th grade he evaporated like yezhov from that stalin photo

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

Watching a 70+ y/o man tear through a bag of mushrooms outside the aquarium. Love to see this

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

All that Ticketmaster drama seems far far away now that every girl you know is posting at the swift concert 🤔 how do they do it

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

The “quirky cool” finance bro is the one that swaps out the sport coat for a heather gray Patagonia vest. All the suits wish they could be him

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

Cops love standing on some corner and casually holding onto their vest. It is the cop pose - The Salamander

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

@shawngorham Whatre the barriers to entry in manufacturing? Older playgrounds used to make these things out of wood. If owners are willing to shell out that kind of money, they may pay more for something that doesn’t look like a fast food toy. wood seems like a good way to get off the ground

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

The Chinese spy balloon was just trying to catch a glimpse of this fat juicy ass

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

HBO stands for Honey Bunches of Oates

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

Taking my engagement photos at Monster Jam

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

@danebowl Nice birb

[wint @dril]

theyll put you in jail for heroin. but little syringe needles filled with covid-19? 100% street legal

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

To be honest, i had it coming

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

Just got severely accosted for misgendering an eastern box turtle

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

@Trzle1 18 in moth years (2.5 weeks)

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

2023. It rises.

[strawberry salamander @ATuck10]

Newsflash James Cameron: nobody wants to watch a 3.5 hour movie. The only avatar i need is on Twitter and it’s currently a cheeky Axolotl