Aubrey Benson

hey guys

[Aubrey Benson @aubrey_benson]

one time in 7th grade i got upset bc i changed my myspace song to Pieces by Sum 41 and no one asked me if i was okay the next day at school

[trash jones @jzux]

banning juuls before assault rifles is so funny. america is really like “kids are allowed to die quickly but NOT slowly”

[Bobby C @Bobby_Condon]

whenever i see an ipad at a cash register i know that i’m about to tip for something i never had to tip for before

[jodie @jodieegrace]

the tinder swindler is so wild to me because if any man told me “my enemies are after me I need $25k” I would be like damn that’s crazy, good luck though

[Sean Brewster @TheSeanBrewster]

landlords:

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

Oh wow if you get vaccinated in Indiana you get the chance to star opposite Hugh Jackman in the Music Man

[Indy @IndecisiveJones]

ok I’ll bite, what’s an IPA

[Bridger Winegar @bridger_w]

It has been a year since my last Disney Cruise and my marriage is hanging by a thread

[Aubrey Benson @aubrey_benson]

I need one of those scratch off maps for when you visit different states but instead of states it’s public places where I’ve had a panic attack and would now like to avoid

[Aubrey Benson @aubrey_benson]

#exposed #sus

[Bridger Winegar @bridger_w]

How would I describe Mike Pence? For starters, a feast for the senses

[Aubrey Benson @aubrey_benson]

@jendothi @dunkindonuts Another great spin off idea- punk’d but exclusively at Dunkin’ Donuts

[Aubrey Benson @aubrey_benson]

another fall season, another squandered opportunity for @dunkindonuts to use “punkin’ at dunkin’”

[Aubrey Benson @aubrey_benson]

it’s 2020- can’t we come up with a cheaper, more sustainable, and DURABLE material for tires??? I’m over this tire nonsense.

Unrelated, if anyone has a tire they want to get off their hands I’m in the market

[Willie Muse @Williesillie2]

How often do you think Trump gets visited by 3 ghosts and he just ignores them?

[Chance The Rapper @chancetherapper]

He called racial sensitivity training Racist

[Omar Villafranca @OmarVillafranca]

This debate should be on Nickelodeon and anyone who interrupts gets slimed.

[David Frum @davidfrum]

This is a great debate. It's fabulously psychologically revealing.

Everything voters need to know - it's all on view.

One man is a little faded from what he was.

The other is a monster.

[Aubrey Benson @aubrey_benson]

Is trump making FUN of Biden for WEARING A MASK!!?!!!?? I’m done. DJT is a disgrace and he is repulsive. #PresidentialDebate2020