The Autistic CTO (he/him)

I'm an #ActuallyAutistic executive at a fast-growing startup! I'm here to process, connect, and unmask with other Autistic people 💜

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I am hiring 100 or so people next year, DM me! We run an interview process that’s inclusive to NDs 🧠

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I’m working to catch up. But it’s decades of my time that I spent pondering, and trying to meet expectations that I couldn’t.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I’m so behind on developing an identity, hobbies, relationships, because I spent so much time just stuck trying to understand neurotypical expectations.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

ugh. I gotta love the people that make the most of the weird things I say 💜

Beeellluuugggaaa Whhhallleeeee 🦀

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I just want to vibe with someone well enough that I can offer them food and they will eat it with joy 😭

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

The hardest thing in life (as an Autistic person) is to get someone to eat my food 🥲

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I'm trying to learn what works best for me. And having plans canceled has always been so hard for me. Understanding what strategies work best with my needs takes a while. This also helps me go out more, which I have been meaning to do!

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I had someone cancel plans on me. And again, I was so disappointed. It’s so hard to be Autistic and have my plans canceled.

But, this time, I turned it around. I said, I’m still going to go through with MY plans. I wanted to go out, and I will. It’s not about the other person.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I have so much to unpack in so many areas of my life. And it's so much more complex with my disability. And it's so much harder growing up in a Neurotypical world.

It doesn't have to be this way.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

Dang! I am coming up on 4 years of therapy, and as an Autistic person, I have so much healing to do after decades of Neurotypical expectations. It's exhausting and hard.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

@teachechick Yes!!! Totally!! I can do that. I can’t do the thousand little things I want to do throughout the day that I didn’t plan for. I might want to talk to someone, go in a shop, try new food, etc. It’s hard for me to do something that’s not in the plan, and I don’t have a flow for.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

The hard part about executive dysfunction is that there are so many things every day that I wanted to do that I didn’t. From expressing myself to doing fun things, I just don’t get a chance to do them without external support 😞

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

@teachechick Hahahah thank you! I think that’s always been the case but I’m particularly introspective right now!

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

@SallyBaddeley I spend a lot more time these days thinking deeply about how I feel. And I’m letting my feelings run the show more often instead of invalidating them, which I did when I was abused. I also pass my gut response through friends to see what they think!

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I got abused by a traumatized person.

They were always looking around corners and always reading into things. They were so scared and they felt the need to stay in control.

I listened to them and I gave up control.

Eventually, they stopped seeing me as a person.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

@enigmasnextdoor Yeah haha

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I have special interests largely in things that are impactful, unique and sensitive. They are so hard to share!

I recently info dumped everything I knew about compensation and the job market. I accidentally hurt someone in the process who was getting unpaid 😭

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

And it makes it hard to make friends, if I am bored or uninterested at a casual activity 😩 I’m not stimulated unless the conversations are particularly vulnerable, close, and deep.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

I think a huge thing underlying my life is my need to stimulate my brain!! I just can’t do anything normal or easy because it’s so boring to me. I always end up going after the hardest most interesting challenges which has ended me up with crazy experiences and hobbies!

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

And this need is debilitating. I either do nothing, or something that stimulates my brain. And I end up just not doing anything for long periods of time because my hobbies are exhausting.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

@enigmasnextdoor Yeah, I made a mistake and I didn’t catch it in time. I missed all the social cues that would of hinted me not to talk about it. ☹️

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

@SallyBaddeley 100%. I kept bending over backwards to understand why I was getting mistreated. And we were both smart people. So our explanations became more and more nuanced. Enabling me and them to justify all of it.

[The Autistic CTO (he/him) @AutisticCTO]

@enigmasnextdoor I only think I’ve helped someone if the person considers that they’ve been helped. I don’t think I helped, I just reminded them of something they already knew and have been processing. And that was unexpected, painful, and unhealthy.