i’ve seen this so many times that whenever i listen to teenagers i fully expect him to say Skirt. my brain thinks thats the lyric https://t.co/3Va9jWo1RA
I accidentally activated the Emergency Call shortcut on my phone with my phone holder clip, barely deactivated it before the 911 call went through, and then 3 minutes later got an unrelated call from target about a recall for a candle I purchased a year ago… 😅🫣😗✌️
I just woke up from the Benadryl Nap™ that resulted from trying to clean the filter in my vacuum. And to be fair, my dust mite allergy is usually not a serious problem until Every Dust Mite In My Apartment has been gathered into a single plastic chamber that I have to open…
I know this isn’t how Bluetooth works, but I like to imagine that whenever someone else’s Bluetooth or something interferes with my headphones they’re getting whatever I’m listening to, “Ah yes did you enjoy those 4 seconds of DESTROYA? Because I did not”
Being the one to break the news to my castmates that the L train is down felt like some kind of rite of passage despite it being objectively the least interesting thing I did tonight…
Simultaneously downloading Capcut to my phone and computer is the same type of admission of guilt as wearing a hat into Sally Beauty, and also when pets start chewing faster when you ask what they’re eating…
Hang on, Twitter is crashing like a train in slow motion, Tumblr is being kept afloat by lemonade stand, tiktok might become illegal again, so… Does this mean I actually have to resurrect my YouTube channel for real now?
Waiting to see a new psychiatrist is the worst, I need to get back on my ADHD medication, because unfortunately the task I was trying to focus on wasn’t actually “Performing Sweet Transvestite Full Voice Alone Just Because My Lower Range Can Almost Handle It Now” but here we are.
No, sorry, I don’t understand what you mean by “How are you doing?” I dyed half my hair red and made my coworkers listen to Look Alive, Sunshine everyday for a week. That answers ANY question you could have right now.
The only way for me to have a universally respected gender neutral title would be to legitimately become Dr. Watson, and when I was 12 I was far more invested in this than you’d expect from someone who was still assumed to be cisgender.
Me upon hearing my coworker open the door: “I don’t want to scare you, but I am eating soup in the dark”
My coworker was in fact, perhaps more, scared by the announcement.