avery

weekly esoteric glorified fortune cookie

[avery @averywisefool]

Whenever I’m having a bad day at work I daydream about everyone on earth of my least favorite nationality getting raptured. And boy, let me tell you: that shit works

[avery @averywisefool]

How funny would it be if I started doing those candid sketches of strangers in public places and showing it to them but the drawings just suck

[avery @averywisefool]

It’s okay to not have everything figured out. As long as you have an open mind, you’ll get where you’re going. Sunbathing also helps

[avery @averywisefool]

Playing is the point

[avery @averywisefool]

Realistically the stripper does love someone

[avery @averywisefool]

I have a theory… what if the hat man from Benadryl is just Jamiroquai? Food for thought…

[avery @averywisefool]

Apps on my phone if they could talk 🤣
Calculator: Any numbers need crunching, boss? I’m ready whenever
Weather app: Oh it rained today? After I said it wouldn’t? Yeah I don’t give a fuck go eat shit
WhatsApp: Soy yo Gwatsap jaja

[avery @averywisefool]

You know how “getting sloppy” can either mean receiving fellatio or getting increasingly worse at covering your tracks in a series of crimes? Well, I think it’s pretty neat

[avery @averywisefool]

So proud of fajitas for coming out. And to do so while sizzling too, just so brave.

[avery @averywisefool]

Those landscaping guys who be blowing leaves in the middle of the road truly don’t care if you run them over. Have you ever seen one flinch? Didn’t think so

[avery @averywisefool]

If I ever hit it stupid rich, I’m putting the dyson air blade in my own private domicile! Dafuq

[avery @averywisefool]

Gonna start ripping ass and butt when I’m losing an argument #skunkmethod

[avery @averywisefool]

Children love doing handstands in public. Has anybody looked into this?

[avery @averywisefool]

Don’t invite me to your crib! I will chew on your belongings

[avery @averywisefool]

@bubsdstoo @horseimage @lil_ibi sazed horse 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[avery @averywisefool]

If you’re ever feeling down, just remember that you can abuse substances.

[avery @averywisefool]

If slam poetry is just poetry but louder, then I think I unknowingly created slam pooping long ago

[avery @averywisefool]

Gonna start calling bugs ‘buges’. Then we’ll see who my real friends are

[avery @averywisefool]

Mark my words, if they charge for ketchup packets in the future I’m killing the president

[avery @averywisefool]

I suspect that many among you would have no qualms bedding the brown m&m. Just a hunch