Awkward Dad Jokes

The Dad everyone's glad they don't have. or they're him. Have a favorite Dad joke? DM submissions, winner gets a prize!

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Hey Dad, how much longer is the Amazon than the Nile? Dad: "two letters." 🙄

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“On all of my medical forms growing up my dad wrote ‘red’ for my blood type. To this day no one knows my actual blood type.”

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I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there, he said it was “Narnia Business”.

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A man walked in to a bar with some asphalt on his arm. He said “Two beers please, one for me and one for the road.”

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Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? Because it had 24 carrots!

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What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto.

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What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

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If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

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A big cat escaped it's cage at the zoo yesterday.
If I saw that I'd puma pants.

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I've been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years. I keep telling people I'm trying to quit cold turkey but nobody is taking me seriously.

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I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.