Dumbledore:
"HARRY! HARRY, DID YOU JUST KISS MALFOID?!"
"FUCKING HELL, HARRY!"
"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!"
"LUCIUS IS FUCKING FURIOUS!"
"HE'S GOING TO COME AFTER ME!"
"AND DOBBY, MY PERSONAL PUNCHING BAG, HAS BEEN TAKEN BY LUCIUS!"
"MY GODDAMN HOUSE-ELF IS GONE!"
"THE MINISTRY IS ON MY ARSE!"
"THE AURORS ARE PROBABLY ALREADY OUTSIDE!"
"THE GOBLINS KNOW!"
"THE MINISTRY KNOWS!"
"LUCIUS KNOWS!"
"I'M PRETTY SURE THE FUCKING IRS KNOWS!"
"AND NOW YOU'VE KISSED MALFOID!"
Harry:
"Professor, calm down."
Dumbledore:
"CALM DOWN?!"
"HARRY, MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE IS COLLAPSING!"
"I HAVE A MINISTRY INVESTIGATION!"
"A VERY ANGRY LUCIUS MALFOY!"
"A MISSING DOBBY!"
"THREE SUSPICIOUS GOBLINS OUTSIDE MY OFFICE!"
"AND SOMEONE JUST SENT AN OWL TO THE MINISTRY SAYING I'M RESPONSIBLE!"
Harry:
"Who sent the owl?"
Dumbledore:
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"PROBABLY LUNA!"
"SHE'S BEEN CALLING THE FUCKING FBI!"
Harry:
"The FBI?"
Dumbledore:
"YES, THE FUCKING FBI!"
"THE WIZARDING WORLD HASN'T EVEN FINISHED DEALING WITH THE MINISTRY AND NOW I'VE GOT AMERICAN FEDERAL AGENTS ASKING QUESTIONS!"
"WHY IS EVERYONE INVESTIGATING ME?!"
Harry:
"Maybe because you're suspicious."
Dumbledore:
"THAT IS NOT HELPING, HARRY!"
"NOW LISTEN TO ME."
"IF LUCIUS COMES THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU RUN."
"IF THE MINISTRY COMES THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU RUN."
"IF THE FBI COMES THROUGH THAT DOOR, YOU RUN FASTER."
Harry:
"And you?"
Dumbledore:
"I'M GOING THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDOW!"
Harry:
"Professor, we're on the seventh floor."
Dumbledore:
"I DON'T CARE!"
"10 BILLION POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!"
"NOW HELP ME HIDE THE FUCKING PAPERWORK!"