I did this for a long time. You hit a wall. You also greatly limit your own development / talent. And it degrades not only your mental health but your self respect. So it’s worth changing if you can.
Whatever you do, pray for the ability to see your own sins, your own hypocrisy, and your own shortcomings. Never lose sight of that never get so carried away pointing fingers that you forget you too have abscesses that need tending.
Was reading Surah An'am and there's a verse that translates to "your Lord has made it obligatory on himself to be merciful to you" and I put my Quran down and took a deep sigh. A higher being who has nothing to gain from me has made it compulsory on HIMSELF to be merciful to me?