Trav the Japan Man

American guy overseas. I like ukuleles and cigars and whiskey and dad jokes and stuff.

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

@Insatiabitch I thought it was meat. Thought you had a marbled slab of sirloin on yer gob.:D

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

Guys. Guys! GUYS! They're not murder hornets, they're suzume-bachi, meaning "sparrow bees." And I've been peacefully living with them in Japan for 17 years. Chill the fuck out.

[Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56]

When I lived in town it was a 5 minute walk to the bar. It was a 30 minute walk home. The difference was staggering.

[Kevin W. @Brink_Thinker]

The smoothest thing I've seen all day.

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

The first rule when wearing masks made out of underwear is NO CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM.

[Brendon Walsh @brendonwalsh]

Hugh Jackman and Gene Hackman should trade last names.

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

I've never gotten along with fronded reef organisms. I guess you can say I have many an enemy anemone. OR CAN YOU?

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

The two people who know the most about my alcohol use are my doctor and my garbageman.

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

"I fuck."
-porn stars at cocktail parties, when they get asked what they do for a living

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

"Anywhere. Let's go anywhere as long as there's NO pussy."
-male porn stars in need of a vacation, I imagine

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

Who ever said Humpty Dumpty was an egg?

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

Let's play a game! Star Wars character or diarrhea medicine?

1. Cagudalin
2. Bossk
3. Tallie Lintra
4. Smecta Tesmin
5. Loperamide
6. Maz Kanata
7. Iden Versio
8. Alosetron

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

Just finished a 3 day private bus trip through the Japanese island of Kyuushuu. The highlight is that my bowels didn't embarrass me once.

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

Old drunks walking their old drunk walk: Sometimes they're more old than drunk, sometimes they're more drunk than old.

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

She: This show is so good, you should watch it.
Me: I don't like watching TV.
She: Yabbut this show has sooo many interesting characters!
Me: But I don't watch TV. I prefer online gaming when I have free time.
She: You should totally watch it.

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

Heat and fudge are two things I don't pack. What are two things YOU don't pack?

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

We wish you some scary fish lips
We wish you some scary fish lips
We wish you some scary fish lips
And a nappy blue beard

Unhear THAT one, mofos!

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

If it starts with FWD:FWD:Fwd:fwd and has a dancing monkey at the bottom, my dad will find it funny.

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

On display at a head shop in Hiroshima, Japan: Sternly worded letter from a commander of the nearby US military base that they are OFF LIMITS. Hee!

[Trav the Japan Man @B0nrMunky]

If you don't think this guitar in its case looks like an Easter Island moai statue in a gimp mask, then you're not me.