Brennen Sanchez

Stanislaus Warrior Graduate 2022
Majored in History

[Raksha @caraksha103]

Can we normalize getting out of work early on Fridays? We’ve done enough all week.

[Brennen Sanchez @b1997sanchez]

No clue what the Lions are doing. But oh boy

[🍁 @ThomasWrrld]

worst part of the NFL season is that when your team loses you gotta let it sit in your system for a whole week

[yimika. @yimikaaaa]

you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could've avoided if you had just been an asshole

[Fuckin’ Princess @8WithaTiara]

I just cancelled a free trial before the automatic payments kicked in and the adrenaline flowing through me right now feels like I just escaped a high speed police chase

[Jessie @Jessiekins]

I hate when people ask what I do for fun. Bro, I'm 32.

Coffee, gym, video games, sending reels to my 2 friends and enjoying cancelled plans.

[Dexerto @Dexerto]

Snoop Dogg is offering someone $10,000 a month to eat and review ice cream for his Dr. Bombay brand

The three-month taste tester job pays $30,000 in total and is open to applicants around the world

[Annie Agar @AnnieAgar]

5 more sundays until an nfl team dictates my entire mood.

[PK⨂ @CaptKrakoa]

Everyone talking about some “MCU Rewatch” before doomsday.

I ain’t doing allat. If I remember I remember

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

Hot take: People DO NOT actually want to become millionaires. They want to stop checking their bank account before buying groceries.

[CallUnc @Callunc]

When someone calls your name right after you jus sat down

[𖹭 @dreeamberry]

me trying to fall asleep the night before something important

[☔ @Whotfismick]

Me at 29 years old still wondering what job I'll do when i grow up.

[mila 🍰 @lastgrlon_earth]

why does my stomach have the nerve to growl when the fat is literally right there for it to eat

[jezz @JezziiB]

Hot take:

People don’t actually want to become millionaires.

They want to stop checking their bank account before buying groceries.

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Nakul @wtf_nakul7]

Life of Gen Z :

- School is scam
- College degree is useless
- COVID stole prime memories
- Ai replace your jobs
- House cost your soul + 30 years
- Worst era for relationships
- And boomers still say you're lazy

[Shweta ♡ @Shay_Slay_]

Jobless people in 1991:
- Wake up
- Have breakfast
- Chill
- Dad finds you a job

Jobless people in 2001:
- Meet up with friends
- Binge-watch a movie
- Enjoy sunny weekends
- Friends connect you to a job

Jobless people in 2026:
- Apply for 500+ jobs
- Keep refreshing email
- Get called for 2 interviews
- Go through 7 rounds of interviews
- Get rejected
- Society calls you a failure
- You feel guilty even while resting
- You fall into significant debt
- Friends slowly stop calling you
- Depression hits hard