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[- @bIackpanther]

Remember when I gave a shit? Yeah, me neither.

[- @bIackpanther]

Mary had a little lamb. Until it died.

[- @bIackpanther]

4/20 = National Weed Day
4/21 = National Drug Testing Day
4/22 = National Unemployment Day

[- @bIackpanther]

The uglier the snapchat, the closer you guys are.

[- @bIackpanther]

I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says "haha good one" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.

[- @bIackpanther]

I hate when I'm singing and some idiot thinks they can join in with me... this is not Glee.

[- @bIackpanther]

I had a dream that I killed all the shirtless guys with "swag" and their duckface girlfriends too. It was the Yolocaust.

[- @bIackpanther]

G
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[- @bIackpanther]

I don't like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.

[- @bIackpanther]

I believe in hate at first sight.

[- @bIackpanther]

You've cat to be kitten me right meow.

[- @bIackpanther]

And by "k" I mean "fuck you"

[- @bIackpanther]

You know whats funny? Not you, so shut up.

[- @bIackpanther]

IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together.

[- @bIackpanther]

Grandma got run over by a reindeer? Good.

[- @bIackpanther]

I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.

[- @bIackpanther]

You know what's great about going outside? Nothing.

[- @bIackpanther]

I'm not saying I hate you, I'm just saying if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus.

[- @bIackpanther]

Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

[- @bIackpanther]

"I think we should be friends." I think you should shut the fuck up.