Those of you who follow New Mexico basketball may have noticed I haven’t been playing or anyone who knows me may have noticed I have been so distant from everyone and there is a good reason for that.
I have struggled with depression off and on since high school. I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety in 4th grade. I was put on medication to help with school and only took it during school (summers and weekends off) I was told my medication had a slight antidepressant in it. Since my depression wasn’t constant and would come and go my parents just helped me through it, thinking my medication would help.
Last spring, after taking a medical redshirt, trying to recover from surgery, and learning how to balance school with a tough travel schedule my depression showed up in a big, bad, scary way! I went home after school got out, got into my doctor, and started on an antidepressant.
I returned to UNM for summer and fall and killed it in practice. Was earning playing time and showing signs of having a great season. However, in late September I started spiraling into a dark place again. My coaches noticed a dramatic change. I would call me several times a day to my mom in just a complete meltdown. I couldn’t make it through a practice without breaking down in tears. I couldn’t function, stopped doing homework, lost interest in basketball, and was going down a dark path to the point where I was questioning if I should even be here. My coaches called my mom and said she needed to come and be with me. She was on a plane the next day and spent 4 days in Albuquerque. I went to see the team doctor and learned my ADHD medication and depression medication were canceling each other out. For about 6 months I wasn’t getting any medication. I got on a new medication that worked with my ADHD meds and got in with the sports therapist. Slowly but surely I started to feel like myself again. Then the start of the semester came and anxiety attacks kicked in. They would hit me out of the blue. They were almost crippling and exhausting. So back to the doctor I went and decided it was time to stop the ADHD meds - too much stimulation. Now I am about 2 months ADHD meds free. Grades are still good and I feel like myself again. I still take an antidepressant every day but I am in such a better place!
Through all of this, I missed practices and games. My coaches, teammates and everyone involved in Lobo basketball put me in a protective cocoon and took great care of me and I couldn’t be more thankful for them. My coaches decided to limit me to make sure I was mentally healthy. I've handled it the best way possible and I understand their decision because I know what a dark scary place I was in.
You change from here.
I am so grateful that I reached out for help. I knew I could call my parents, coaches, and teammates at any time. Most people (young kids and young adults especially) don’t have that. Most don’t dare to reach out and ask for help. I hope someone reading this will see that it can happen to anyone, even kids who are living out their dreams. Everyone needs help at some point.
So there it is. That is the big story and mystery as to why I haven’t been on the floor and why I have been so distant from everyone. I have accepted that I have an invisible injury that I am fixing and is well on the mend! I will be back in a Lobo jersey next year!
-BA1
Be kind. To others, and to yourself. These are difficult times. And difficult times call for empathy, humility, and community. Happy Thanksgiving. Better days lie ahead.
If ever there is a time to practice humanity — it is now.
The time to show kindness, to show compassion.
New Yorkers are tough — but we are also the most courageous community that you have ever seen.
We pray today for families who need to manage a difficult situation, especially those families with a disabled person among them. Let us pray they do not lose their peace in this moment and that they succeed in moving forward with strength and joy. https://t.co/BxMeg6vRRm
As a face-touching hugger who hates to be alone, doesn’t grocery shop and can’t cook, all of this is honestly going to be tough for me #corona#coronavirus
People in Rome, Italy, came together to play the Italian anthem at 6 PM from their balconies and patios during the #coronarvirusitalia quarantine. This is what we could hear.
Filling our streets with music – this is so awesome.
We'll get through this ❤ 🇮🇹 🇮🇹 ❤ @_silviagatta
The Weinstein sentence reminds us of the importance of those sources and of leaders at news organizations who refused to kill the story—including the editors at the New Yorker who published the first allegations of rape and assault about Weinstein.
When haters go after your looks and differences, it means they have nowhere left to go. And then you know you’re winning!
I have Aspergers and that means I’m sometimes a bit different from the norm. And - given the right circumstances- being different is a superpower.
#aspiepower
Dad has dementia. Sometimes he drifts into another world and I feel like I’m losing him. He is never more present, however, than when he plays the piano.
He came to mine today and I asked him to play one of his compositions. He thought he wouldn’t be able to remember it.