amBaby

she/her • sir is unisex • ‘98 baby

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“You’re not wrong. You’re just an asshole”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“How do you take care of anxiety? One shot at a time”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

-Old white men need to stop talking so much
-I don’t think your sentence needed ‘so much’

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“You’re a stallion. She’s a unicorn. You can’t keep up with her”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“Chickens are descended from Dinosaurs and should be feared until they’re turned back into Dinos as nuggets”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

-“cinco de mayo is more of a mindset than an actual day”
-“it’s fuck the French. Let’s drink tequila”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

The military has taught me: I am every wife’s wet dream

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“You all saw the no pets sign right? Why did that chick just walk in with a camel toe then?”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“Nothing says white wonderland like snakes and snowmen”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

- I care more about this than my job
- That’s not hard to do. I care more about coffee than my job

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“I must be drunk cuz I just called dad ‘brutha’ “

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“I’m not an orphan. I don’t drink beer.”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

Lil bit of happiness for your timeline: I was fretting over talking to this woman lifting next to me cuz oh goodness I want a lifting buddy and making friends as an adult is hard. Turns out I fretted for nothing!! She came to talked to me first and now I have a lifting buddy 😭💜

[amBaby @babyfooch]

-You’re not Italian.
-I know I’m potato white and not pasta white. You don’t have to rub it in my face.

[amBaby @babyfooch]

Wandering an art museum with my best friend and she goes “I just see a lot of ass”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

How bad is it when Pitbull saying “This is for everyone going through tough times. Believe me. Been there. Done that. But every day above ground is a great day. Remember that” made me tear up?

[amBaby @babyfooch]

Every time my brother visits, I become obsessed with another band… wish my neighbors luck as I blast Foxy Shazam for days 🤪

[amBaby @babyfooch]

Why are my coworkers more invested in my love life than I am 🙄

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“Today was supposed to be leg day but I decided to drink instead”

[amBaby @babyfooch]

“Everyone likes anime but no one knows how to eat the end of a sushi roll”