Mal Merpi

TV writer. Copywriter. Very pleased to know my childhood crush on Keanu Reeves was correct.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

My toxic trait is everyone likes me.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

I’ll be honest. I expected more people to write my name in.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

Give me overpriced home goods in a boutique that stocks only 1 of everything so I can fool myself into feeling alive.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

Hot New Slang Alert: when you’re leaving town and you have you eat all your groceries before they go bad, that’s called eating out the fridge. As in, “Before we go to Vegas, can you help me eat out the fridge?” You’re welcome.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

Will I ever love anything as much as that one guy on instagram loves make things out of chocolate?

[A.R. Moxon 🦋 @JuliusGoat]

I’m not a genius like our founders so I confess I don’t understand the wisdom in having one of our three branches of government be a gang of bribed authoritarians who gather each June to demolish the functional parts of society.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

What’s your attachment style is you feel bad for the bathroom stall that rarely gets used?

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

@tinnkky I literally thought he was a plant to be pro JP. Not surprised to hear he’s vile.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

Not me about to buy an $80 pair of overalls for a child I don’t have.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

The best thing about this show is how frequently the men cry and I mean that with utter sincerity. #LoveIsBlind

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

Love is blind, please make every 5th pod a session with a therapist.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

All my love to the blandest man I’ve ever seen claiming he’s judged for his playboy looks. #LoveIsBlindS5

[Caroline Renard @carolinerenard_]

So let’s get back to work WGA and remember what we built as a community together for 148 days. Let’s rebuild. Promote your support staff. Train/mentor lower level and mid level writers. Hire Black, Brown, Queer and Disabled writers. Make the pipeline a pipeline again. Let’s go!

[Commie Trucker @commie_trucker]

Capitalism will bankrupt every future generation to maintain the comfort of a few thousand people. And we’re told every other ideology is impractical.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

When you assault a child then continue with a thriving career it would be hard to understand how a person could lose their job for kissing someone.

[Daily Mail US @Daily_MailUS]

Woody Allen defends Spanish football chief Luis Rubiales, saying 'he wasn't raping her, it was just a kiss… it's hard to understand that a person can lose their job for kissing someone' https://t.co/898yKhXZ50

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

My husband and I booked a night in a hotel to give our ice maker a chance to catch up.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

@notoriousBAIG Don’t check.

[broti gupta @BrotiGupta]

So it seems like you WILL pay someone to come up with stories…

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

I schedule my emails so the recipients don’t think I’m out of my mind emailing at 3am. But I think it has the reverse affect since they get my fever dream ramblings as if I sent them at 10am with a cool head.

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

Give me grandpa bachelor or give me death!

[Mal Merpi @badmerp]

Sometimes I like to treat my bananas like a recently married friend. “What happened to you man? You went soft.”