I think ppl truly underestimate how hard it is for two human beings, to do LIFE together. The amount of effort, compromise, understanding, trust, loyalty, honesty, resilience, love, care etc, etc, that it takes. You have to CHOOSE that person every single day.
A marriage counselor once told my wife the problem was “communication.”
$200 an hour.
12 sessions.
She learned to “use I statements.”
I learned to “validate her feelings.”
We were still miserable.
You know what fixed my marriage?
I stopped talking.
Started doing.
Woke up before her.
Made the coffee.
Didn’t announce it.
Handled the dishes.
Didn’t ask for credit.
Took the kids so she could rest.
Didn’t call it “babysitting.”
Three weeks.
No conversations about our problems.
No processing.
No therapy homework.
Just a man who finally acted like he gave a damn.
She didn’t say anything at first.
Then one morning she looked at me like she hadn’t looked at me in years.
Not with love.
With surprise.
She’d forgotten I could show up.
The counselor told us to talk more.
What we needed was for me to shut up and move.
Most marriages don’t die from lack of words.
They die from lack of action.
Your wife doesn’t need another conversation.
She needs to see you in the kitchen at 5 AM.
Not because she asked.
Because you finally woke up.