pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸

Full-time web developer. Part-time slacker. Jemput add id Pokemon Go 059502505566. Majua jua horas.

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

TIBA-TIBA STANDUP Kupi Ging x @ayimrazakss dan @sayamadsabah
Tarikh: 10 September 2023
Masa: 9pm
Lokasi: Kupi Ging Cafe, Shah Alam

Text 0108312387 untuk tiket ges.

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@The_Endie Beliau ni under YAPEIM, beli golf simulator. Tak tahulah apa kaitan golf simulator dengan pembangunan ekonomi Islam.

[Toni Kroos @ToniKroos]

Football won

[eajo @eeajjo]

Jannik Sinner Wimbledon R1 Recap:

It had been 32 days since the last official carrot match, or 4871 years in Sinner fan time. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the ̶h̶o̶s̶t̶a̶g̶e̶s̶ ̶ team had been ̶r̶e̶c̶a̶p̶t̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶ reunited, and the commentators were easing back into Sinnerball by only mentioning Roland Garros 63 times before the ginger even appeared on court.

After a long few weeks off the tour, Fox Boy proved he was still a little out of routine, when he forgot to pack his forehand, backhand, and baseline game, into the new Gucci kitbag.

With 5 consecutive M1000 titles, Jannik was reportedly also concerned that the fox fanbase might be growing complacent, and so he dropped his 4-4 service game from 40-0 up, to lose the first set. Yeah, take that, everyone who had momentarily unclenched their sweaty palms, and moved their nose two inches away from the TV - HOW DARE YOU relax for even a millisecond in a Sinnerball match?!

Little Miss Variety was back from vacation and ready to giggle, bat her eyelashes, and drop shot her life away. Unfortunately, either Sardinia had a severe lack of grass courts, or she had scheduled a romantic lunch date with the Wimbledon centre court net.

Meanwhile, Kecmanović had apparently contacted the carrot’s estranged father for advice on how to speak fluent ginger. In the third set, Djokodad’s insider hacks for triggering his son’s break point conversion allergies proved particularly effective, and Miomir went up 2 sets to 1, to the surprise of absolutely ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶b̶o̶d̶y̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶ nobody.

Bambi on Ice had been cooling his heels for the last 12 months, and finally summoned his best main character energy halfway through the match. To the utter delight of spectators, he gave a real-time demonstration of precisely how far giraffe legs have to bend backwards, in order to activate 10 million simultaneous cardiac incidents.
And, in unrelated news, Italian doctors have reportedly launched an extreme workplace stress class action, against Wimbledon’s head groundskeeper.

Fox Boy’s right foot was another talking point of the match, when what started as a small red speck quickly bloomed into a horror movie’s entire prop inventory. Despite the emergency field amputation happening in his shoe, the carrot opted out of any treatment, which led to much speculation.
Was he staging a silent protest against the Italian media’s ongoing accusations that he did not in fact emerge from the womb greeting the nurses with a “Ciao, ciao!”, but instead was found by Mama Siglinde on the side of the Autobahn, clutching a schnitzel and humming Mozart’s Rondo Alla Turca?
OR was he just trying to end the lingering rumours of his robotic biology with visual and irrefutable proof of his humanity (this one seems less likely, as his tennis level today would have ended those allegations all on its own).
Either way, Boss Baby’s punishment for Ale-Alejandro rejoining the team a week late was VERY clear. 🩸🤢

As usual, the Sinnerball stats sheet did more gaslighting than your most toxic ex, by flashing up a 70% first serve and a 47% first serve, and asking fans to guess which of these two sets the ginger had actually won. Inside sources in the Sinner camp confirmed that the odd pairing of a season-high UE count with a career-high aces count, was not accidental, because it is a season goal to keep the fox fanbase mildly destabilised at all times.

Nevertheless, there were still five-set W/L records to correct, and Fox Boy eventually emerged the victor from his first-round tussle. Tennis Twitter collectively exhaled, and retreated to their bathrooms to pluck the copious grey hairs which had emerged in the last 3 hours and 29 minutes, and definitely NOT tweet profusely about how #washed their carrot is.

FORZA. 🦊🧡

[Alvaro Berro @alvarofberro]

🚨 #ULTIMAHORA preocupación por el estado de salud mental de Edward Norton. Se le ha visto desorientado hablando solo durante el USA-Turquía en el estadio de los Ángeles.

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@sinnerwinner12 What shoes are those? Anyone know?

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

Apasal Twitter feed ni auto translate ke English. Siapa ajar?

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@AJEnglish Dia ni makan taik ke?

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@BioavailableNd You don't need a microbiologist to tell you this.

[Joe Kent @joekent16jan19]

After much reflection, I have decided to resign from my position as Director of the National Counterterrorism Center, effective today.

I cannot in good conscience support the ongoing war in Iran. Iran posed no imminent threat to our nation, and it is clear that we started this war due to pressure from Israel and its powerful American lobby.

It has been an honor serving under @POTUS and @DNIGabbard and leading the professionals at NCTC.

May God bless America.

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

It's a nicotine pouch.

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

So I just bought 4 packs of NOMA.

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@MalaysianFoods Ketika post ditulis, dia belum pergi lagi Rembayung tu. Dia tulis pasal Peria.

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@UTDAlex8 Bruno

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@AWaterborne He looks like Kwang Soo

[Youth Football Malaysia @youthfootballmy]

This picture posted by @selangorfc cuts deep

The scar of injustice will remain forever in our minds

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@TCR_Video That is a good captain.

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@carlosalcaraz Congratulations @carlosalcaraz 🔥

[eajo @eeajjo]

Jannik Sinner USO QF Recap:

Pre-match, the fox family had harboured the gross misunderstanding that being #1 for 65+ weeks/winning 4 grand slams and counting, meant Jannik had significant tennis talent. WRONG. In fact, if he were as “talented” and “varied” as today’s opponent, he would have been even more successful, and would have another 250 & 500 title to his name…😳
Ah well, he’ll just have to work with the little he’s already got, and hope for the best, I guess? 🤷🏻‍♀️

The match got underway and, as has become habit, Fox Boy makes any Top 100 tennis player who doesn’t have the world’s fastest growing hair, look like they’ve come straight off the Challenger tour and accidentally wandered into Arthur Ashe Stadium. He saw the #10 next to Musetti’s name, smiled, nodded, and broke him twice to go up 5-0 in 20 mins.

Whilst his colleagues are relieved that he appears to have ditched the unpopular bagel from his bakery menu for good, Jannik apparently still had some leftover breadstick stock from a few days ago. He generously offered his fellow countryman one to close out the first set 6-1.

Awkwardly, the commentators forgot there are 5 sets/match, and 7 matches, to win a Grand Slam. During the first set changeover, they discussed Jannik’s “easier” QF and SF wins, before an inevitable Sincaraz final. Luckily, the carrot has proven he can survive the ultimate Drake jinx, so overcoming commentator hoodoos are a walk in the park. And, in their defence, Jannik’s SF opponent’s second set today was six minutes longer than the carrot’s entire Bublik match…🫠

There is also a clear pattern with crowd support in Jannik’s post-2023 matches. Whilst the optimistic audience members start cheering for the underdog opponent to win the match, they quickly dwindle to cheering for them to win a set, then to hoping they can win a game, then to win even a point on Jannik’s serve, and finally to just PLEASE GOD WIN ANY POINT on serve. 😭
Musetti held his first service game in the second set, and the stadium ovation that followed had spectators outside quickly checking the schedule to make sure they hadn’t accidentally missed the final/trophy ceremony.

Throughout the second set, Musetti significantly raised his level, and even served with a 90+% first serve percentage. Congratulations on those amazing numbers Lorenzo……. and so sorry you still lost the set 6-4… 🤭

In exciting news for the fox fanbase, Lorenzo peppered Jannik with high balls throughout the match, and not ONE of his smashes hit the net OR landed 20 feet out. Try not to say “Overheads GOAT”……
Although, honestly, it will still be a longggg time before I can stop cringing when that ball is hanging up the air. 🫣

As expected of one with a satanic personality, Fox Boy dangled multiple break points throughout the match, before reminding everyone that topping the “break points saved” stats is still his main career goal, and crushing the slivers of hope. Today, despite apparently confirming they have a nice off-court friendship, the chillingly malevolent carrot offered Lorenzo a look at 7 BPs, and gave him precisely none of them. Umm, is this “friendship” in the room with us, Jan?

Meanwhile, the support box’s most stressful moment was Vagno braving Biscuitgate 2.0 midway through. 🍪 As the team held their breath, he bit into the newest cookie brand…….. and this one actually passed the Italian dining test. Alex exhaled in relief, and immediately ordered another three packets.

The carrot closed the match in exactly two hours, with 10 aces, 0 double faults, 61% first serve percentage, and 91% first serve points won. Rumour has it Isner/Roddick/Sampras & co. aren’t sleeping easy, knowing their records are under threat with those outrageous servebot numbers….. 😉

Finally, a shout-out to our TT European friends who were up late/early to watch. 🙌 Now, do that every two days for 40 more weeks, and you’ve got our tennis season viewing experience down here…🤣😴

FORZA. 🦊🧡

[eajo @eeajjo]

Jannik Sinner USO R4 Recap:

It was the David vs Goliath of tennis matches. It was to be the final swan song of the carrot’s #1 reign. It was……… over in 21 games, and 81 minutes. 😂

In the last two seasons, Fox Boy had a perfect record against players outside the Top 15, and a flawless minimum QF appearance in tournaments…. barring one single match on June 20th this year. And holy mother of tennis gods, did he apparently take that loss (and hit to his future GOAT stats), personally. He announced pre-match that it was “time to revenge” (and I have never loved his ESL phrasing more👌😍), and honestly, I’ve watched wild apex predators show more mercy to their prey. It was so destructive that some witnesses reported tournament organisers were just seconds away from calling homicide detectives to Arthur Ashe Stadium last night.

Pre-match, the nerves and tension in the fox family were at peak Sincaraz-finals levels.
But Nike finally did us all a solid after their RG crimes, and gifted us the Revenge Kit 2.0 for the USO night outfit, which immediately boosted morale. It served even better than its owner (…… which tbf isn’t saying much 🤭), and if the ginger doesn’t wear it for all his remaining matches, it will be a travesty.

As everyone had heard ad nauseam, Bublik was unbroken for 55 consecutive service games coming into the match. So Fox Boy smiled, nodded, and then broke him first game. After all, Bublik had 61% of his serves unreturned in the tournament thus far, so Jannik only returned 100% of them straight off the bat. Try not to say “personification of evil”…

The carrot’s “lack” of a first serve has been a talking point in the tournament to date, so of course he opened his service games with two aces. Welcome back, Servebotnnik - Tennis Twitter really don’t need their anxiety meds when you come back around.

It was the match hotly tipped to be the tournament’s upset special, so just in case, Fox Boy wrapped up the first set in 24 minutes, dropping three points on serve, and breaking his previous-unbreakable opponent the same number of times.

The second set had the carrot hitting Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V, like the true AI-generated player he is. He opened the set with a backhand down the line clean winner, dropped only three serve points, broke twice more, and honestly, I swear we never doubted your victory today for even a second, Jan…😳😅

Hopefully, Bublik’s favourite movie is Groundhog Day, because he lived it yet again in the third set. His previous 100% hold rate turned into 27%, purely due to the chilling malevolence radiating from the other side of the net. Of course, the carrot still can’t resist any opportunity to pad his own “break points saved” stat, so offered a solitary break point in his final service game, which he then snuffed out with an ace.🙄 Subtlety was never his strong suit…

Yes, after two rounds of poor sales, Jannik was keen to get his US bakery expansion back on track. He had a fire-sale on breadstick stock today, and did a surprising 3-for-1 deal. After overloading on carbs, Bublik sought advice from Casper Ruud, as the tour’s resident expert on managing this heavy new Italian diet.

Even the dads looked shellshocked at the demon they had unleashed today. Papa Darren’s disbelieving laugh after the ginger smoked a forehand return winner in the third set, was Vienna-2023 deja vu. Vagno, meanwhile, mostly spent 81 minutes fantasising about finally sleeping in his hotel bed for the first time this tournament…

Bublik finished today with a “what the f**k?!” 🤯, and I don’t often agree with him, but that sentiment was pretty universal. There were many lessons to take away from this demolition derby, but the main one is clearly to never stand between the ginger and his daily 14hrs of sleep. 🙅🏻‍♀️

Finally, Jannik tried to assure journalists after his last round that he “wasn’t a machine”. Well, Fox Boy, if you’re not, you sure as hell did an excellent impersonation of one today…. 💪

FORZA. 🦊🧡

[pew bani banani 🇲🇾 🇵🇸 @banibanani]

@usopen @janniksin Forza @janniksin