Barry 🍏 Applechase

Chef

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

Two atoms walk into a bar. One atom says to the other:
"I think I lost an electron"
The second atom says:
"Are you positive?"
The first atom says
"Come to think of it, no. I am the monatomic element helium and do not ionise readily".

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

In comedy, there's a "rule of three". That's why there's "three" Stooges, and not, say, 1,000,000.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@GingerWildheart Thanks. I like it.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@fakehistoryhunt Tower Bridge in the foreground, skyscrapers in the background.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@Hudsonweather @peter_levy Peter Levy looks in great shape. 70 years old, according to the internet. Surely not.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@hughlaurie After all the joy you've given me over the years, I don't like the thought of you being sad.
So here's a picture of a long-tailed weasel to cheer you up.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@indykaila @LFC @ChampionsLeague

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@LaikaTone Check the bins, check the drains, check over the fence, check the places only a moron would put a package.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@rickygervais You could be onto something. Going on satirical shows and saying absolutely nothing satirical. You, Will Farrell, Mr Tumble and Bob Mortimer just refusing to engage.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@holland_tom @durhamcathedral Looks like they had nice wine on Offa

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@Hudsonweather Poor effort.
He doesn't mention dry-bulb once.

[Sonny Rollins @sonnyrollins]

It is with deep sorrow and profound love that we announce the passing of Sonny Rollins. The Saxophone Colossus died this afternoon at his home in Woodstock, NY at the age of 95. 1/2 https://t.co/6AGmFrB7x4

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@Hudsonweather 13.8 dewpoint.
Those are brag numbers

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

But just how high will the mercury reach? "Very" is my guess

Mercury in your cupboards, mercury in your bathroom, mercury in your loft

Mercury
Mercury
Mercury

#UKheatwave
#mercury

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@MattWalshBlog The Bartlett statement reads like the ramblings of a confused toddler.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@Lifeinvestmoney Same cloud position.
Impressively careful work by the contractor.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@davidgilmour @pinkfloyd Those are some classic sax moments. Sad news, but thank you, David, and most of all thank you Dick Parry.

[ً @NotJosephGarcia]

Try not to eat that much food.

[Barry 🍏 Applechase @BApplechase]

@tomhfh Stupidity