One of the cruelest blind spots in our society is how we completely erase male grief.
When a couple goes through an absolute, world-shattering tragedy, a miscarriage, the loss of a child, or a devastating financial collapse, 100% of the societal and emotional infrastructure instantly surrounds the woman.
The man is immediately drafted into the role of "crisis manager." He is the one expected to make the brutal phone calls, handle the legal logistics, manage the hospital bills, and be the unshakeable rock for his partner to cry on, even when his own heart is completely destroyed. We do not even allow men the basic human dignity of falling apart when their world ends. We force them to swallow their devastation and schedule their mental breakdowns for the shower or the car commute, just so they don't inconvenience everyone else's healing process.
There is a whole generation of men out here who are absolutely exhausted from being the "transitional guy." They come into your life, absorb all the trauma your toxic ex left behind, provide stability, and love you gently. But because your brain is still addicted to chaos, you mistake his consistency for a lack of passion. You drain his peace to heal yourself, and then abandon him because there isn't enough "drama" to keep you entertained. Men are constantly being used as emotional handymen to fix damage they didn't cause, only to be discarded the second the foundation is stable. It is pure emotional vampirism.
It was 8 PM on a Friday, and my partner was dead asleep on the living room sofa, still in his work clothes.
I was on FaceTime with a friend who was getting ready for a massive night out. She asked what my weekend plans were, and I flipped the camera to show him resting.
She sighed, doing her makeup. “Girl, doesn't it bother you? You’re young, it's Friday, and you're just watching a man sleep. You deserve the princess treatment. If he really wanted to take you out and show you off, he would.”
I looked at him. I looked at the dark circles under his eyes and the laptop still open on the coffee table.
What my friend didn’t see was that earlier that week, he had quietly taken over two of my biggest bills so I could afford to take a lower-paying job that I actually loved. He had been pulling 14-hour days for months, absorbing all the financial pressure so I could finally breathe.
I didn’t argue with her. I just calmly said,
“He is giving me the soft life. The soft life is me waking up without panic because he goes to war every single day. I’m not going to punish him for returning from that war exhausted.”
The line got quiet. I told her to have fun, hung up, and draped a blanket over him.
The internet has completely warped our idea of what love looks like. It has convinced women that "princess treatment" means endless aesthetic dates, constant entertainment, and a partner who operates with infinite energy.
But a man cannot simultaneously be in the trenches securing your absolute safety, and have the carefree energy of a guy with zero responsibilities.
I realized that night: The ultimate luxury isn't a man who takes you out to be seen. It’s a man who makes your life so incredibly secure that fiercely protecting his rest becomes your biggest priority.
There is a huge space beyond depression, I call it 'nothingness'. You get to understand that glee & gloom coexist to strike balance in the soul. Pain & anger, as an important aspect of growth if properly managed and being happy in every situation brings contentment & serenity.
@flygodT Same behaviour is applicable to road users, work place, events and almost everything regulating our social lives. The need to prove one is smarter and faster is needless. Yet, na we pray pass mercies and miracles. Smh
@iRechargehelp Hello, it has been over 1 week I purchased power from @iRechargehelp and the token is still not sent to me.
All your customer representatives have gone mute.
Kindly release the token or refund the money paid.
Thank you
@Angelcyty@iRechargehelp@AdetokunboGbaj1@IamAdesua I am going through the same issue with them and they have refused to respond to me. They gave me no date for resolution & they have been acting fraudulent.
I intend to take legal action against their company