daithfenny

what it do babbbbby

[daithfenny @basicallyfaith]

A girl texted me today asking why my number was in her mans phone and told me his name and I’m like okay I don’t know him ??? TURNS OUT I did call her man WHEN I WAS DELIVERING HIM A PIZZA EARLIER THIS WEEK 😂😭😂 imagine getting heated bc papa johns called your man

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

“Spelunker.” Such a funny word. Anyway, have they found your husband yet?

[Armin @ArrminEm]

I’ve done acid more times than I had cottage cheese

[Izzy @losemeotw]

Hunter Biden summer

[Trick Forever @khiazmos]

I like Hunter Biden because he isn’t one of those guys that gets sober and then pretends being a degenerate isn’t insanely fun

[fishy and chips @FATFUCKINGCHUD1]

Is it ethical to be a person

[Chris @citehchris]

hi hunter biden would you like to go to chilis with me, my treat

[julia @juumelo_]

boy I sure hope nothing pisses me off today! I say as I clock in to the pissing me off factory

[Losing it @prophethusband]

Text from mom: My cousin died last night. Her house caught fire. Maybe arson. She was 87. You met her once in 1997.

Me: I’m so sorry to hear that. Let me know if you wanna call

Mom: 👍 How do I watch Netflix on ipad

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

(on a first date) Can we please just try to have a good night

[Leighton “Backdoor” Pennysworth @LeightonPennys]

Just failed a phishing test at work #retard

[blaire @pissshit90001]

I think about this tweet Often

[YBG Don @cocotresco]

If you die in wordle you die in real life

[slothy @slothy_420]

i love when they’re doing road work and they let you drive on the wrong side for a few seconds

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

Data center Uhh no thanks I’d rather date a woman!

[Forrest Cardamenis @FCardamenis]

Baby has gotten good at identifying “dada” but still struggling with surrealism, cubism, even baroque.

[paavs @jagermeisterni]

job market so bad i got laid off... from an INTERNSHIP... i got via NEPOTISM??????????? what is going on

[E D. Awg @Emawnish]

if my 10 year old son said he was nervous to go to school i’d give him a xanax and 2 beers

[leanne @toothgarden]

would you rather get shot 25 times or hang out with me for a little bit

[cory @coolmathgame_]

dentist after examining my teeth: [frowning] i don’t like this [taking his tools out of my mouth] i don’t like teeth anymore

[nat ☆ @natsinctrl]

girl asked me if we do a military discount and tell me why when i asked to see her ID she pulled out an IDF card