Pat Walle

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

Happy Day, you Mothers!

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

I can understand that you're angry at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?

[The Tonight Show @FallonTonight]

Thank you, President Obama, for suggesting the U.S. end production of the penny. That literally makes no cents. #thankyounotes

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife's can shorten it.

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

I thought I was having deja-vu, but it turns out, I just do the exact same things every day.

[The Tonight Show @FallonTonight]

If you're using President's Day as an excuse to get drunk on a Sunday, this song is for you: http://t.co/nWG6ttvt

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

It doesn't take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.

[The Tonight Show @FallonTonight]

There were a lot of poop jokes that didn't make it into the latest Downton Sixbey episodes: http://t.co/GzHyBlYK

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

You ever have one of those days where everything goes perfectly and works out like you planned?
Me neither.

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

How can the old Pope do this, but I can't seem to figure it out?! Divine Twittervention?

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

Adding gravy to a Whoopee Cushion, adds a hilarious new dimension to an otherwise, tiresome, practical joke.

[Pat Walle @batgasm]

I think I might be too old for this.