baby jupiter 🚬🦇

//patron saint of bats venmo:decemberism

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

they should invent an AM dance club for when you’re a quad espresso deep at 9am

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

i’d like to apologize for repeatedly getting jane lynch mixed up with jane goodall

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

as a cig smoker there’s nothing i want more than for them to be illegal and yes this is a cry for help

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

backstreet boys btw

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

having a breakdown while grocery shopping cause for a split second i start jamming to the overhead music then realized im listening to the new oldies

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

my problem is i need a therapist i can have a cigarette with

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

@birdbath_ IT IS SO GOOD and miranda can’t watch it cause it’s triggering lmfao so it has real elements

[melissa broder @melissabroder]

gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as i am

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

*police w sirens passes us*
drayton for no reason: brooklyn 99

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

pauly d sun/jwoww rising/snooki moon

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

growing up is realizing the true mr. brightside was inside us all along

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

do you think biden’s asleep?

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

do you know how horrifying this was to read upon opening the app

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Fine Taylor … you win … I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

that’s crazyyyyy i remember when likes were favorites talking abt x anniversary who are youuuu #MyXAnniversary

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

kim was so real when she said she could smell peoples cavities like she was so right y’all need to floss

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

dude just likes being chaotically horizontal

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

other kids at the park: 🕺🏃🤸‍♀️
my “kid”:

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

at a wedding

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

the 6 y/o asked how to spell “lemons” earlier. just went upstairs to find his bedroom door has been labeled OFF LEMONS

[baby jupiter 🚬🦇 @batzoot]

@0tterzilla most roasters use a decaffeinating process using ethyl acetate and it leaves a nasty flavor IMO but if you find a good one processed w water it’s more expensive/less common but better 😔