sam

hold on, let me ask my dog.

[sam @bbg_sammi]

👩🏻‍💻: Police Department, how can I help you?
📞: I just wanted to call and remind you that you are a shitty person.
👩🏻‍💻:

[sam @bbg_sammi]

@jams724 Happy birthday! Hope it was a great one

[sam @bbg_sammi]

“You have such cool tattoos” from a 16 ur old in the drive thru is the highlight of my day ……. I need a life

[sam @bbg_sammi]

Been in my house 7 months already. Shows time flies even when you aren’t having fun.

[sam @bbg_sammi]

You can catch “about damn time” by lizzo as my spring/ summer anthem. 🕺🏻 🎶

[sam @bbg_sammi]

The cross breeze in my house 🌬 makes for the perfect Sunday afternoon.

[sam @bbg_sammi]

Vacationnnnnn

[sam @bbg_sammi]

@RyanLeviton What if i am the one that answers? … awk

[sam @bbg_sammi]

@RyanLeviton Straight chicago juke music. Haha.

[sam @bbg_sammi]

👩🏻‍💻: 911 where is your emergency
📞: juke music
👩🏻‍💻:

[sam @bbg_sammi]

@zachfahey1 0/10 recommend!

[sam @bbg_sammi]

I want that “divorce looks good on you” glow, but my hormone imbalance has other plans .

[sam @bbg_sammi]

6789998212

[sam @bbg_sammi]

@k_bremerrr Yaaas girl. Celebrate yourself. Always. 👑

[sam @bbg_sammi]

👩🏻‍💻: 911 where is your emergency
📞: look, I am trying to have sex. It was an accident.

[sam @bbg_sammi]

@RyanLeviton Can’t make this shit up… def on the list of something I never thought I would have to ask

[sam @bbg_sammi]

👩🏻‍💻: “Hi , this is the Fire Deparment. This is going to sound weird, but is the placenta still at that the house?”
📞 : “Oh yea, I wrapped it in my shirt and put it in a garbage bag on the porch.”

[sam @bbg_sammi]

@SouviMark

[sam @bbg_sammi]

@RyanLeviton This happened to me while sleeping. HORRIBLE