•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆•

ed diary, vent diary, ednos/who knows since 08,
18+,

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

ive been eating one or two small meals a day for two weeks and I'm already feeling my stomach disappearing. there's hope

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

I mentioned that the cosplay was back in stock and the response I got was "eh, you could"
Not "that'd be cute!" Or "you should"

😭

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

I saw girls with beautiful slim legs in my dream cosplay and now I never want to eat again

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

I want to make people worry because it seems like the only way I can get people to care about me. But I don't want to make people worry because it's selfish and inconsiderate. But only when I do it I guess.

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

Today's motivation is thinking about how much my weight would be ridiculed in a 2003 romcom

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

I can't get bras to fit because they're so uneven. Even at my thinnest I would cry getting dressed because they would ruin every outfit. I hate them

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

Of course I want to starve my boobs off along with my hips and thighs. I got them when I was 9 and was embarrassed and they make my life worse but it's apparently "perverted" to want to be flat chested

I don't want to be hot I want to be small and cute and unashamed

[𝜗𝜚 Violet @tinypinkrose]

when you see thinspo irl and realize you have more weight to lose than you think

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

When someone is excited about something I love to mirror that excitement back to them and hype them up

So why when I'm excited about something do people just go
"oh ok 🧍calm down"

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

I saw girls with beautiful slim legs in my dream cosplay and now I never want to eat again

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

I have tried so hard to rein in my €d and redirect the energy into something "healthy" and gaining 20lbs is the thanks I got for "being realistic"

[jules @chudchug]

this is my absolute dream build

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

well I'm back in hell and it's off the back of trying to be "healthy" by doing weight training and eating well and "intuitive eating" bs

I'm now at my heaviest weight ever thanks to all this and I need to lock tf in because I want to tear myself apart

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

well well well how my tables have turned

[•𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒇𝒆• @bbnocals]

I had a cute outfit planned for today but now all I can fucking think about is what my mom will say to make me feel like shit about it.