mayaa🔆

she/her 🐣
bmi 14.5

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

It is always my fault. Because of me.

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

When I am thin I can express all my emotions freely I can laugh off bodyshaming jokes and not feel embarrassed by how I look. I can just be thin and go thinner each time

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

Being extremely thin, wrapped in a blanket, smiling and laughing. When im think my family will accept me. Love me. Be proud? Extremely thin.. then maybe I'll deserve the love, thry said so

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

The guilt of leaving. The rest of my family is gonna have to tolerate my father while I won't. What if they will have it worse?

[dipper @B0NUSDUCS]

first thing hes gonna see when he undresses me bruh

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

@miyamel0dy Isn't that for CAO? congratss

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

And suddenly im the friend you come to when you have nobody

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

Im a faliure

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

Before anything, I want to make things right. I'll go away in peace and not be a burden or embarrassment. A dumb smile snd no words. I don't want to defend or fight back no more. Words do hurt

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

I want to get sick from exhaustion and overworking. That is the only way I will get recognition. I might be acknowledged for finally working hard.

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

I don't realise how I feel and act so numb until it hits me as a big wave. Lately, i have been having those waves several times in a month. I really hate it

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

The only goal I have in life is yo get extremely good grades and get the hell put of here. And starve. An empty fridge and body that dissappears into the clothes.

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

I can no longer imagine the warmth of a loving person. Maybe I've come in terms with the fact that I don't deserve one. One in this lifetime, not in any of them. I don't deserve something so pure. I'm filthy

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

Relapse. relapse. relapse. I never learn, do I?

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

I would love to have a child one day. Someone so precious. But I can't, I can never bring myself to it knowing I would not be a good parent. Fuck, scratch that, I can't even be a good partner nir a good person. I'd probably end up ruining another life?

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

Timid but smart. Scruffy but thin.

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

As long as I'm the one slowly killing myself it's fine. Everything us under control

[mayaa🔆 @bcvqrhj]

I often wonder what it would feel like to be on the edge of a high building. Not with the desire to jump, but rather waiting for someone to show up.