a very niche type of despair only felt when you are perpetually disgusted with yourself & wanting so desperately to be Anything else yet you cannot escape bc you are yourself and you are forever yourself and stuck as yourself with no reprieve
a hard pill to swallow (but a good one) is sometimes we didn't hold as much weight in someone's life as we thought & it's completely okay. someone's inability to appreciate you doesn't decrease your value in any way, shape, or form.