Bean

finishing noodles IN the sauce since ‘95. Delete Teams from your phone 🫵@lindsanity_13 💗

[Bean @bean_damico]

Nothing humbles you more than getting the shits at your local dive bar.

Anyway, imma go tell some jokes.

[Bean @bean_damico]

Starting to think there’s an arsonist in Middletown with all the buildings that have burned down in the last six months.

“Uh Ben, crumbling infrastructure and climate change are BOTH relevant here”

Nah. Arson.

[Bean @bean_damico]

Zoom meetings should have background music.

[Bean @bean_damico]

I’ve never been so comfortable financially, but also so broke, at the same time. It’s not like “oh I gotta choose between rent and groceries” cause fuck man I can’t afford either 😂

[Bean @bean_damico]

“Thanks for responding so quickly!” Makes me want to reply slower tbh. Like, don’t tell me what to do, tf 😂💀

[Bean @bean_damico]

This is quite the opening promo, even for a WWE show

@CodyRhodes, what does the tattoo read? 👀

[Bean @bean_damico]

“Customer Service” this and “Customer Service” that like that’s not just a placeholder for “treat strangers like shit”

Oh and while I’m here, it’s called a zipper merge & you should learn how to fucking do it.

Brains rotted out your heads.

[Bean @bean_damico]

You ever just rip one and swear you ate an orphan source

[Bean @bean_damico]

If my obituary reads “shopped at Amazon” I will desperately hope for a respawn because holy shit how did I forget to do something with my life.

[Bean @bean_damico]

Tried to compliment Jack Vaughn when I was talking to Rob, called him a different persons name who’s not with the company at all.

I’d say my future in the indies is dead before it even started 🙃

[Bean @bean_damico]

I hate living in a world where if you didn’t post it on the internet, you didn’t actually mean it.

[Bean @bean_damico]

Please lord just drop the bombs and make me a Ghoul. I am tired of going to work.

[Bean @bean_damico]

If I ever meet @ShaboozeysJeans I am grabbing his guitar and smashing it.

[Bean @bean_damico]

If there were a sea in KY I’d walk into it.

[Bean @bean_damico]

RIP Chris Farley, you would’ve loved Ozempic.

[Bean @bean_damico]

Out for possibly three months after stubbing your toe is wild work. Maybe don’t spend 80% of your cap on three aging players #cincinnatibengals #Burrow #NFL

[Bean @bean_damico]

I have been here over a fucking year, so new people coming in and trying to treat me like I’M the new one pisses me the fuck off.

I’ll overwhelm you with these hands if you don’t shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

[Bean @bean_damico]

@PatMcAfeeShow Come back to @WWE soon we miss you next to Michael 😭

[Bean @bean_damico]

Sometimes I wish I could still get high enough to truly appreciate reggae music. To understand the musical implication behind a cow mooing over a steel drum track is to truly know music.

[Bean @bean_damico]

Fuck everyone who said I wouldn’t live past 25, I showed ur ass 🖕🏻

Hope to retweet this in ten years to show yall up again, fuck you gonna do