Fake Matt Baker

This is a twitter account dedicated to the off the wall things that come out of Matt Baker's mouth

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

Lindsay, give me a chode to slurp on.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

Could I have a go at your chebs?

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

Give me that black card you little piece of shit.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

You're gonna make me laugh so hard I'm gonna start lactating.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

How much do you think that fire extinguisher weighs? Do you think I could beat myself to death with it?

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

"Fuck everything you say."

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

My seed is so powerful it gets anything pregnant.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

I'm too rugged for beauty treatments.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

"The Ass Tampons" would be a great name for a band. The first single would be "Shit falls freely from my asshole."

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

I shall have the funs! Not the runs though. The runs are not the funs.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

Or, I could maybe call it "Rasputin Cabbage Fart."

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

I'm starting a polka punk band called "13 Drachma Jockstrap."

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

*singing* "I feel sooo much better...cuz I just blew a shit loogie out my ass."

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

Aren't you glad I lived next to a very competent pediatric hospital?

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

Stop coughing like that you're giving me a hard-on.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

Home is where the semen flies.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

I wonder if they use chopsticks to masturbate in Japan.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

The sight of you, Officer, sets my anus a quiver.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

(pretending to be Japanese) Do you have an extra small condom for my extra tiny penis? Maybe I could use a thimble.

[Fake Matt Baker @BeardedBaker]

I'm a pooping tom. I'm like a peeping tom only I poop...on girls.