regular mike

Deadpan shitposting lefty

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

Someone thanked me, and, caught between 'ok' and 'alright', I whispered 'karate' back at them.

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

The crematorium is gonna have bury Chuck Norris once they realise he's immune to fire

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

My headphones died so now I'm just rawdogging gym like our ancestors used to

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

Mike is short for Michael. Milk is short for Milkil

[meghan @deloisivete]

Oh man, this is doing numbers

-Me, in math class

[meghan @deloisivete]

husband: you should hang out with my friend’s wife, she’s an introvert like you

me: that’s not…that’s not how it works

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

This way to use our "toilets"

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

Making toast: I'm gonna reformat this bread

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I live in Wales and today received my Join Us letter from Reform UK, complete with SAE which I posted back to them, immediately, empty. If every other person in Wales did this, Reform would spend over £1.5 million on postage. Not sorry. Join me Cymru.

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

@AuntCunt Grimace's piss

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

If you go to a football match and take drums with you, I hope your fucking hands fall off

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

There's a story behind this sign

[Stella @AwfulLotOfEagle]

Thanks doc but I thought I might use the sink

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

It's time to kick ass and eat cheese, and I've got quite a lot of cheese so I'll probably just do that

[Kieran @kieransofar]

me: the earth isn’t flat

fiat earther: correct

me: huh?

fiat earther: it’s the shape an italian car

me: what?

fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

Am I the prettiest girl? No
Do I have a great personality? Not really..
But do I try every day to be a better version of myself? This isn’t going as well as I’d hoped

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

AI used by South Africans is called Geminaai

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

Surprise bitch

[regular mike @beardedsaffa]

The enemy of your enema is your butthole

[meghan @deloisivete]

My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some hard truths about myself