Adam “BiRD” Tilley

Husband, Father, Drummer for Count Pariah.

[Adam “BiRD” Tilley @beatpatch]

#NewProfilePic

[Slam Squat-Thrust @Gre_Gone]

King Arthur: "Merlin, my love Guinevere hath lain with another man!"
Merlin: "lol more like CamaTHOT!!!"
King Arthur: "lol ye verily I am owned!"
[herald trumpets an air horn]

[Adam “BiRD” Tilley @beatpatch]

@tacobell when is that chili cheese burrito coming back? #mylifeneedsit

[Slam Squat-Thrust @Gre_Gone]

Therapist: What do u see in this image?
Snake: Hiss.
T: This 1?
Snake: Hiss.
T: *shows pic of snake's ex* This 1?
Snake: *tearing up* Miss.

[Adam “BiRD” Tilley @beatpatch]

I hope your night is going as fucking great as mine!

[Carter Wilkerson @carterjwm]

Yo @Wendys how many retweets for a year of free chicken nuggets?

[Carter Wilkerson @carterjwm]

@Wendys Consider it done

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

GF: I'm pregnant
me: FAKE NEWS
GF: I have the sonogram
me: DISHONEST MEDIA
GF: it might not be yours
me: [sheds a tear] alternative facts

[garth @garbagecoven]

my eco-conscious gang and i do a drive-by shooting from our Smart Car. the recoil from a single shot flips our car, we are arrested easily.

[paperwash© @PaperWash]

my predictions for 2017:

-a massive hurricane
-some celebrities will die
-trump will do things people don't like
-summer will be hot

[Mark Hamill @MarkHamill]

no words #Devastated

[Stumbler Videos @StumblerVideos]

when you & your friend both have terrible ideas & consistently encourage each other to act on them

[Adam “BiRD” Tilley @beatpatch]

A fish on welfare, diagnosed with cancer: "Finding Chemo"

[Adam “BiRD” Tilley @beatpatch]

Pro wrestlers join King Arthur at the round table in the new adaptation: SLAMelot

[Adam “BiRD” Tilley @beatpatch]

Sunday morning religious cooking show: Passion of the Crust

[Adam “BiRD” Tilley @beatpatch]

Designing dishes you can only eat magic food on. Calling it Harry Pottery.

[Adam “BiRD” Tilley @beatpatch]

*pitching Thanksgiving documentary*
"Let's call it Fantastic Feasts, and where to find them"