Rebecca Robinson

if it's an emergency plz hang up and dial 911 // comedian, writer, erratic

[kathie lee and hoda no context @KLGH_nocontext]

august 11, 2010

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Wish I could be half the adult that Eve is.

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Why am I attracted to the only man in this bar who has bolt cutters?

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

@whatsitpod @davetotheross @calebsynan Twisters: The Only Way To Get To The Land Of Oz

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Imagine being a cruise ship comic on the Titanic.

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

My friend is so luxurious she has small batch artisanal bubble bath in her shower. Then I found a pube. And I'm like damn, and she has a boyfriend?!

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Men pay $25 for a haircut and people wonder why he looks weird for the next week. Women pay $200+ for a noticeable haircut and no one mentions it until she inevitably brings it up.

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

My Agoraphobics Anonymous meeting was totally empty today???

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

My new therapist thinks I'm hilarious, so watch out. It's over for you hoes.

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Low ponytails are drama, somber, mornings in the country.

High ponytails are pep, high kicks, moms who chew gum.

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

My hobbies? Easy. Sexting with someone who doesn't care if I live or die.

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Hi, I really need another job! So if you or someone you know needs an English, test prep, resume builder or creative writing tutor, please send them my way!
RT for an endearing compliment. https://t.co/5ztV1KO8DZ

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Want to make me cum? Ask me literally just one single question.

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Women in the comments: Omg is she okay?!

Men in the comments: The dogs though???

[Wild content @Nocapmedia]

Fake delivery man force himself in woman’s house

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Somebody's pregnant!

[Pop Crave @PopCrave]

Peppa Pig has a “big surprise” to be announced tomorrow.

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

I told my therapist that I'm only getting targeted ads for Ozempic and dating apps and all she could says was, "Oh no, that is bad."

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

Turtlenecks are in this fall which means I'm out.

[max fine @maxfine_]

*big gulp*

You can pre-order my album right now. It comes out October 13th.
The vinyl sounds better.

https://t.co/PiUrOVP696

[Rebecca Robinson @BeccaRobs]

If you're eating more than one bomb pop, that's stolen valor.