Michael dba BRZ (he/him)

IRL physician trying to be part of the solution in medicine, and sometimes I make mistakes

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Medsurg RN prog note in 2025:

F*** you all I'm trying my best. This RN is literally wearing a diaper. Where tf is my break nurse.

Also, the patient is progressing. Therapeutic listening and redirection provided.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

GI consult in 2025:

8 gallons of golytely. You think I'm kidding? I'm not kidding. EIGHT GALLONS OF GOLYTELY. BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. And you better believe I'm not seeing that patient until the scope is literally in my hand, lubed up and ready to go. Fire in the hole.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Neurosurgery consult in 2025:

ICH with midline shift, unresponsive. But the sodium is 134 and THAT is why the patient is altered. Correct the sodium. My pre-med student volunteer will follow the patient peripherally.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Neuro consult note in 2025:

IT'S TOO LATE OKAY? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? ASPIRIN PLAVIX THAT'S IT. GOOD DAY SIR.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

ICU RN note in 2025:

The patient asked for a phone charger so I interrupted the intensivist running the code next door to get downgrade orders.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Psych note in 2025:

You thought you were helping but your meds are trash, stop all of them and start a fraction of the lowest dose of olanzapine. They may have another pill fragment prn. If anything goes wrong with this plan I will be unreachable for the next 21 hours.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Nephrology note in 2025:

1. They need dialysis but in a larger sense they actually don't need dialysis.
2. If you have been giving fluids, stop that and give lasix. But if you were giving lasix, stop that and give fluids. Basically whatever you did was wrong, do the opposite.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

RT note in 2025:

I'm legally required to be involved in this patient's care. Gave nebs to no effect.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

ER note in 2025:

The patient looked sick so I consulted the CT scan who recommended admission. I called the hospitalist who graciously accepted the patient. Physical exam/ labs pending.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Anesthesia pre-op note in 2025:

The cardiologist asked for "MAC sedation" so out of spite I will be doing full general anesthesia.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Critical Care consult note in 2025:

Honestly not that impressed, in my vast experience I've seen far worse. Downgrade. 150 minutes of critical care time spent.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Infectious Disease consult note in 2025:

This decision making is atrocious 🙂 I will fix it now, please reflect on what I did and try to be better 🙂🙂🙂

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Cardiology consult note in 2025:

I disagree with everything you're doing but I'll cath them anyway. If you call me about one more troponin result I will scream.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Gen Surg consult note in 2025:

Call me if they fart or if they're almost dead. Admit to medicine.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Ortho progress note from 2025:

Post-op day 4. 👍.

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Yes, also with alive patients

[Dr. Tanmay Motiwala @Least_ordinary]

As a doctor or a nurse have you ever cried when you lost a patient?

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Not sure why I have to say this but:

1. Specialists if you're on call, you should be REACHABLE
2. Physicians if you have a message for another physician, CALL THEM YOURSELF AND DON'T TELL THE NURSE TO DO IT

That is all thank you 🙂

[Michael dba BRZ (he/him) @bedsideroundz]

Everyday, some provider on Earth unknowingly orders the biggest normal saline bolus in the world for that day.

[Everyone Gets Atrophy 🏆 @EMPAthy_atrophy]

Today a cardiothoracic surgeon in Santa Barbara posted this. I’d like to provide some context 1/?