Dan Weiss

Bee a bew hee hew bee a bee a bewhee heebrew bew a bee....the beehews.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

Soylent Green is set in a world where the food is treated more like people than the women.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

@nnHirsch Tribe

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

What did the cowhand say when someone stared a slanderous rumor that they rounded up sheep? “That’s not what I herd.”

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

How do the French pronounce “prune?” With aplomb.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

@ryansgameshow Are you allowed to wear an RC shirt to a Faygo event?

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

#Netflix and chill is over. It’s now #MAX and relax.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

What did the arthropod do after drinking 100 glasses of water?

It centipede.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

What band is the most-requested at polygamist weddings? Plural Jam. #cantfindbettermen #iwokeuplikethis

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

A guilty pleasure with two wheels: a vicyicle?

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

@elonmusk I find it disappointing that—with all your power, money, and social clout—you choose to be a bully and a troll rather than a voice of kindness and reason.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

@elonmusk I don’t follow NYTimes—because I subscribe to NYTimes. #myopia

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

@elonmusk What would be really cool is if the rockets were electric-powered and not combustion-based.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

If Einstein had become a meteorologist, today we might be stuck with the Theory of Relative Humidity.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

What do you call medical professionals who like to realign your skeleton the old fashioned way?
Ortho Docs.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

Reincarnation: A Hindu-over.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

You can halve your cake and eat it, two.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

@TheMackerman @milkbarstore Similar experience here. I think they aren't ready to scale their business model, because the birthday cake I ordered for a friend never came, and it took them several days to even acknowledge there was a problem. I did get a refund, but my friend's birthday was ruined. 👎

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

What do you call a duck’s fart? A butt quack. #dadjokes

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

The USA’s number one export is sewage.

[Dan Weiss @beehew]

Q: What did Mick Jagger say to his grandchild after they stole some of his fast food? A: you ate a grown man’s fries.