Lindsey McBeggin

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

I folded a fitted sheet to look like a flat sheet. So I think I’ve reached peak adulting.

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

@SenorFavio RIP TO THE MET AND MY MARRIAGE - thanks for the reminder

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

Do you ever feel like you wasted the perfect wedding dress on the wrong person or is it just me?

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

I can do all things through 300 mg of @Wellbutrin and 40 mg of @Vyvanse

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

Sure you can go on blood pressure medication, but have you considered leaving your husband? Because that worked for me.

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

HBD to Hitler and my ex - couldn’t make that shit up if I tried.

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

For $10 I’ll tell you why you’re single if I know you.

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

@Best_Hands_Down They are asleep. Idk how to wake them up from a deep sleep to show them the single men near Lima Ohio and give the nightmares

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

Should I ask the couple I’m in the middle of on my flight to rate my dating matches or no?

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

First morning in a long time on @vyvanse and I’ve texted everyone I know before 6:30 AM

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

Listen I’m a reasonable person but @tacobell bringing back volcano sauce for such a short period of time might break me….

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

My quadriplegic brother gives me lifting advice and I will not be elaborating any further than that.

[Brad @BraddrofliT]

Neil deGrass Tyson: "How sad it must be believing that scientists, historians, scholars, economists, journalists would devote their entire lives to deceiving you, but a con man proven in court to be a lying felon is your beacon of truth & honesty"

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

I relate to my two week old nephew in that I’m also super chill if I’m fed and get constant 24/7 attention

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

Came back to twitter at exactly the right time

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

Sometimes I forget that @X exists.

[Lindsey McBeggin @begginstrips]

@Huntington_Bank just quizzed me on my @UberEats spending… I wish I could be the person I was before I knew how much I am spending.

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

sooooooo funny that nobody has explained political asylum to trump and they all just keep letting him recite the plot of joker like it's a policy issue

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

this debate has EVERYTHING: dog eating, baby killing, transgender operations on illegal aliens in prisons