Elise Allen

[Elise Allen @belgem]

Just spoke to my mom. Unrelated: Anyone want to have unprotected anal? http://t.co/3aEkljfRb6

[Elise Allen @belgem]

"¿Que?" (Spanish Inquisition) http://t.co/HiEdgG4L9p

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/6UGJyxsKoG Dear bed, I'm SO sorry I left you. I don't know what I was thinking. Please take me back.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

You know what kills me? Weapons. http://t.co/rUA9VE8OJf

[Elise Allen @belgem]

If you ever see on a road where a section of the dotted line is missing - There is no law there. http://t.co/geybVNgNO3

[Elise Allen @belgem]

I don't know why we need a special day for it, I vote for boobs every day. http://t.co/AkxaQQlG89

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/OsZcYYmrMj I guess if I had laser hairs, I'd want them removed too.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/krHQY0cUIm I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/LtAbQyGNL5 If I had a nickel for every GEICO commercial I've ever seen, I could buy us all car insurance.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

Quick, I need some fables, ASOP. http://t.co/x1WL3yPopV

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/l7NxxniYD1 FACT: The internet was invented to globalize complaining.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/jQxQjbzgl9 Can't believe it's already been 10 years since you had to pay for music.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

Ceilings were just ambitious walls. http://t.co/2jSs6AHdbX

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/fQQp8TLewH Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/96MTsDuuNk Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/rQTHR0It3I If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/d53JveM4zn Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

"It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos http://t.co/80O0zpFPAe

[Elise Allen @belgem]

http://t.co/mL4Vjtv1 My retirement plan is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right.

[Elise Allen @belgem]

Gonna take up smoking, just in case I have to give an anonymous tip from the shadows at some point. http://t.co/SHiq6cRp