To me, the most insidious part of my experience with transition and detransition was that the medical professionals—who I sought out during a time of severe trauma and dissociation—never gave me so much as an ounce of hope that it was possible to recover from the feelings of dissociation I had toward my physical sex.
Of course, exploring the idea that feelings are not a “fixed” state probably would have been labeled as “transphobic.”
Instead of factoring in my significant trauma and providing trauma therapy…which would be a therapy aimed at reducing my daily and debilitating dissociation and establishing a sense of embodiment, I was encouraged to dissociate further from my biological sex while in a chronic survival state, lacking support, and having only recently recovered from homelessness.
On top of my dissociative disorder, I was actively experiencing eating disorders, body dysmorphia, OCD, and other comorbidities at the time, none of which were considered as potential factors in why I might be experiencing a disconnect from my body.
The US government had no problem funding all of this at the time, and I trusted their judgment given that I was the “sick” one and they were specialists. In fact, Rafferty is considered to be the “best of the best” as it pertains to gender medicine in the Rhode Island area. With that in mind, why would his patients doubt his discernment, or question his protocols? I was told that I was in good hands.
And yet, if one of the Founding Fathers of GAC (Gender Affirming Care) can be this wrong regarding the identity and treatment of one of his patients, what makes his system of care trustworthy?
In the end, what actually helped me to heal from my trauma was to eventually abandon his protocols while working with a Somatic practitioner who helped me rebuild a connection with my body. Experiencing life without the burden of chronic dissociation taught me how much it was possible to love my life, including the body that I was born with! I left my past behind me, and was able to build a life and identity based on reality, stability, and integrity.
Now, I am calling on the @dojphofficial and @PamBondi to help bring justice in my case, and the cases of other detransitioners.
Medical professionals take an oath to “do no harm.” When harm is found to have been committed, these doctors, therapists and psychiatrists must be held accountable.
I am constantly thinking about the love of Christ, who did not care if someone was a liability, if they were lost or broken, or even if they openly betrayed him with their words….he loved and cared for them deeply, and even publicly. He publicly loved and ministered to those who society shamed. Even those who hurt of rejected Him. He did not look down upon them for their struggle or their confusion…He prayed for them. Not from a place of condescension, but of deep love and compassion. He consistently rooted for the underdog, even if that was not the socially acceptable thing to do, or did not benefit Him in any way. This is true service. He knew that Judas would betray him, and still did not once shame him to the other disciples. If anything, He protected him from shame. The deep power and love there is indescribable….it displays deep magnanimity.
“We have placed too much hope in political and social reforms, only to find out that we were being deprived of our most precious possession: our spiritual life… This is the real crisis.”
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn