Ben Mathai

An award winning comedian/writer, Ben's credits include Just For Laughs, the NY Improv and a tv doc on his stand-up. Check out his blog + videos at benmathai.ca

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

If you can't say something nice about someone, then say it in a language no one around you understands, it'll be a win-win for both parties.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

I have to accept that though I want to look tough, I’m closer to a Gandhi look than I am to an Indian warrior.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Please don’t name your baby Renard. It seems elegant + French but mentally, it comes up short.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Something people will never post:
"Hey everyone, I'm at the Costco in France + the deals are pretty sweet, so glad I'm vacationing here."

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Just bit into a stale piece of moldy bread at a Paris dive but when I tell people back home it'll be a beautiful fresh croissant with a dash of of je ne sais quoi.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

In France but I'm terrified that people will find out that I'm a foreigner b/c I don't know what ratatouille is.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Daughter: What if this plane crashes into the ocean?
Me: Don't worry I packed bathing suits.
Daughter: You're so not helping.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

My birthday in Paris. I should be impressed but I'm just happy that my kid is old enough to know when to pee instead of going to war with us over it.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Heading to France. Hope they don't protest again + take it out on immigrants (+ therefore me) although it would make for some great comedy bits.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Me: I've decided to give you another chance.
X: You need to accept me for who I am now.
Me: Changing your name was a bit much.
X: You can always leave (again), take up another thread.
Me: Ok, ok, no need to get jealous.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

No, I haven't given up on Twitter or X. I just thought that Disney had taken over + it was some kind of X-Men marketing or something.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

My daughter rolled over in her sleep to hug me + then said "You're not mommy" + turned away so clearly my wife is using some kind of propaganda on our child.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Old people + their bladders are so funny. They're especially hilarious when defusing bombs or performing surgery.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Never start a fight with someone while eating juicy tacos b/c there's no way you'll look or feel tough during that time.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

I hold onto my DVD collection in case there's an apocalypse + little kids need frisbees to play with.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

I've started making random old-people noises in public places + so begins a sad new chapter for me.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

I gave my daughter candy for breakfast b/c she told me I should treat her as I would want to be treated + that made perfect sense.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

My daughter finished grade 5 which a relief because I found that level of math really hard to get through.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

People who talk while walking away may simply be sleepwalking + we don't realize it.

[Ben Mathai @benmathaicomedy]

Tom + Jerry is violent but may also offer real-world lessons for children on how to handle bullies.