Beowulf Trump

I build mead halls all over the world. The biggest, best mead halls. And eat orc-spiced @JebBush for breakfast EVERY DAY

[Kanishk Tharoor @kanishktharoor]

Hi @BeowulfTrump, I fixed your campaign hat for you

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

All of Geatland is coming out today to acclaim me thegn. No dragons in the forecast! #NHPrimary

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

Waterboard is my favorite kenning. #GOPDebate

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

Not since medieval times!! What have I been telling you people? #GOPDebate

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

People ask me why I'm skipping the @FoxNews geflit with Unferð and the rest of these losers. I tell them, because I already ate.

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

.@realDonaldTrump A real Geatish warrior would never use a word like "dummy"

#MakeGeatlandGreatAgain

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

Vikings killed by Saxons 2%
Vikings killed by Romans 1%
Saxons killed by Romans 3%
Vikings killed by Vikings: 97%

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

People ask me, "What did Grendel's mother look like?" I tell them, "Like this."

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

How stupid are the people of Geatland? How stupid are the volk of the kingdom to believe this dung?

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

Anybody have a broadsword? Or a scimitar? Try it on me. Go ahead, try it on me. Because believe me, it ain't gonna work.

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

He said he tried to stab some thegn in the gut and the guy's fauld stopped him, like MIRACULOUSLY broke the blade.

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

What's the big deal about stabbing somebody? Me, I've stabbed THOUSANDS of people. Monsters, mothers, dragons. Read my poem.

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

So @RealBenCarson, if they stored the grain in the pyramids, where did they store the dung? I have my suspicions.

[Mallory Haag @HaagMallory]

One thing I know is that if Donald Trump were @BeowulfTrump he would have my vote for 2016

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

Sorry, @jshkatz, you're dead wrong. There is only one Beowulf in this election and it's not @SenTedCruz https://t.co/wEZd8d8Jpd

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

Will you get the numbers up, Jutland, please? What are you doing to me?

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

Remember: it's not the poles that count. It's the number of heads you impale on them that matters. #MakeGeatlandGreatAgain

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

Big announcement today. Downsizing my tribe by 40%. We still expect to win the war against the Jutes, Angles, and Frisians tho. No worries.

[Beowulf Trump @BeowulfTrump]

When twenty dungeaters try to humiliate you at the weremoot, you don't ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS. You DISEMBOWEL them. #MakeGeatlandGreatAgain