Bess Couey

life to the fullest.

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

Now as an adult watching Home Alone, all I can think is “what did Kevin’s parents do for work to afford five children in suburban Chicago?”

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

@angieloSINGer You understand 😂🙃

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

#NeverThoughtIdSay “please don’t eat that tampon”

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

Starting a new series for parenting things I never thought I’d say out loud…most of them starting with “please don’t eat that _____”

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

I bet everytime I soft smile my parents are thinking “we paid 4k for her not to show those teeth?”

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

Trying to send less time on Instagram, so clearly now seemed like a good time to re-download Twitter

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

i miss dubstep

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

@Hunt_Drew Yooo I used to love that. But top 2% ?! hahaha. You’re a good dad

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

hey y’all. back here just to keep up with news.
but also while I’m here how many of u were convinced that a famous musician would see you from stage and want to date u at 14? we all thought we had that sexual energy right?

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

just remembering the time 5 yr old me asked my mom if i could ask God for powers like sailor moon

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

26 is looking at your mom's fb just to see what she's been up to

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

told my co-worker today that i've been watching Cheers before bed...I say, have you ever seen it, you should check it out? he says no, i'm not 80
:)

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

I also just got sucked into buzzfeed and remembered how I spent 3 of my *5 years of college just taking quizzes to find out what kind of food my spirit animal will be when I grow up

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

*me sweating*
them: oh u been workin out?
me: no just putting on a fitted sheet

(me rn)

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

new @CrossFit shirt idea:
"will tabata for ciabatta"

you heard it here first

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

It’s almost 2019...has anyone invented a way to take a nap in the shower yet?

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

hey y’all it’s been awhile, but did you know Christian Bale is British?!

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

me: ooh i like this song. hey siri, who is this?
siri: this sounds like dave matthews band
me: *questions last 25 yrs*

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

how many of y'all still feel like you're getting punk'd when you remember that a mcflurry spoon is not also a straw?! it's is 2017.

[Bess Couey @besscouey]

i'm back just to say what if instead of a flake of snow, Whoville was really on a flake of dandruff.