thepigeonandthepeacock

Wannabe put-together peacock, mostly scatterbrained pigeon. Mombie blogger. #PPA won't keep me down. My tweets:

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

My daughter, figuring out gender...

"I'm a girl. [My brother] is a boy. Mommy is a woman. Daddy is a man-boy."

She understands.

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

Anyone else ever googled "How to hypnotize your child into falling asleep" or is that just me...

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

My husband: "You shouldn't buy diaper cream that looks like toothpaste. One day you'll end up brushing your teeth with it by mistake."

And that day, my friends, was today. Dangit, he knows me too well! 😆🤦‍♀️ https://t.co/gXIYNBRiWY

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

Any other mamas get thirsty even when you are bottle feeding your baby? It's like my body is so used to reminding me to drink when nursing, I get thirsty regardless! 😆 #worldbreastfeedingweek

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

It's the weekend and I am living on the edge. I just washed white towels and pink towels together in the same load.

[Not the Nanny @not_thenanny]

4YO: Dad said the fuck-word

Me: Ok, but you don’t need to repeat it

4YO: I didn’t. I said fuck-WORD

Me: You need to say f-word

4YO: Fuck

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

I just want my man to rub my feet the way that Fez rubs Eric's grandmother's feet.

[Lessons from the Minivan @FromMinivan]

To non-parents who say, “Why did you have kids if you were going to complain? You’re selfish to want time alone.”

I want know why you go to work and complain about your job? Why do you take a lunch break? Are you selfish? Why do anything if you don’t love it every minute?

[Lieutenant Pedro @pedrostarfleet]

Jonathan Frakes reacts to 2020 for 57 seconds #StarTrek #Quarantine @jonathansfrakes

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

The things I do to try to induce labour... #pandemicnesting https://t.co/7f0KYEnQKi

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

Cleaning baseboards while 40 weeks pregnant and experiencing mild contractions is normal right? Isn't that when every pregnant woman gets around to it? It's practically a rite of passage.

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

@FridayLockhart Good idea, thanks! Have an awesome day!

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

Did you go a little overboard with "nesting" when you were pregnant? Try nesting during a pandemic - it's next level y'all! #39weeks

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

The Vicious Cycle of Anxiety:
- Scroll through Facebook
- Read about how everything is falling apart
- Start biting nails
- OMG I AM PUTTING MY HANDS IN MY MOUTH!
- Anxiously washes hands
- Get back to Facebook
Repeat until coronavirus comes for me

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

@BuriedInBabies Yes, this is my third and that's my goal too! I have a midwife, so all my follow up care will be at home.

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

I can't put it off any longer. It's time to pack my hospital birthing bag! I am determined to only bring this one easy to carry tote. Mommas, what were your must-have hospital bag items? https://t.co/SzK7yTvcKr

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

@bekahsyleo Oh yes, second one is quite often faster! Wishing you the best as well.

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

@bekahsyleo Good ones! Except I doubt I will need cards... my labours are fast! (Last time I didn't make it to the hospital!).

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

5: "Mom, you're wearing matching socks!"

Oh yes, I'm so on the ball today!

[thepigeonandthepeacock @bestmomhack]

I normally only retweet parenting humour, but this is worth knowing and understanding. Make smart choices folks!

[Liz Specht @LizSpecht]

I think most people aren’t aware of the risk of systemic healthcare failure due to #COVID19 because they simply haven’t run the numbers yet. Let’s talk math. 1/n