Your bitchy ex-wife

Just a nice girl, with a mean C face, ruining lives..one at a time...

[Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit]

If this triggers a core memory you do not need to worry about Kamala’s capital gains tax

[Smitty @JebTheJarhead]

Rage Against the Machine never specified what type of machine they were angry about. I suspect it was a printer.

[Deacon Blues @lusstylucy]

Stephen Colbert: There is a video of Marjorie Taylor Greene berating a teenage survivor of the Parkland shooting. The GOP has placed her on the House Education Committee. Why not just appoint Joe Camel as Surgeon General to say smoking is cool?

[Jon Stewart @jonstewart]

This is bullshit. The Redditors aren't cheating, they're joining a party Wall Street insiders have been enjoying for years. Don't shut them down...maybe sue them for copyright infringement instead!!
We've learned nothing from 2008.
Love
StewBeef

[Bills Mafia of Kazakhstan @BillsKazakhstan]

предоставь рыбочеловеку ломать лед! #BUFvsKC #GoBills #BillsMafia #AFCChampionship

[Alexis Johnson @alexisjreports]

I feel like we are downplaying the “a couple of bombs found” part of the day idk

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I can no longer in good conscience remain part of this universe and have decided to resign.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

May I ask you to retweet #TrumpMicroPenis?

Please.

It's such a tiny thing.

[Your bitchy ex-wife @bethers007]

@EdDrantch Quick question... with most of Erie Co in a orange zone, will the BCAR suspend parking fees in the DT ramps in the near future? What about on street parking downtown? #parkingpaymentpause #EssentialWorkers

[Ron Perlman @perlmutations]

Why does McConnell refuse to give a few extra hundred bucks in unemployment benefits to Americans during a pandemic but happily hands tax cuts to the top 1%? Because he’s morally bankrupt, soulless piece of shit.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

People who brag about not being politically correct tend also not to be factually, morally, or grammatically correct.

[Nihilist Arby's @nihilist_arbys]

This Mother’s Day remember, as much as you may be disappointed in yourself for being such an irrelevant entropic tangle of neuroses and perversions, your mother is vastly more disappointed in you

Enjoy Arby’s

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

He is risen.

Please stay six feet away.

[Archive: Governor Andrew Cuomo @NYGovCuomo]

I do not understand the reluctance to use the federal Defense Production Act to manufacture ventilators.

If not now, when?

[Your bitchy ex-wife @bethers007]

@playneck 👍🏼

[Nihilist Arby's @nihilist_arbys]

Every generation in the history of humanity has thought the world was ending with them

Don’t worry. There’s no way we’re lucky enough for it to be us

So y’all may as well hole up at Arby’s to wait out this pandemic. amirite, gang?

Arby’s: where nobody cares if you live or die

[Your bitchy ex-wife @bethers007]

Tracie is my goddess! #crackgodess #loveafterlockup

[Your bitchy ex-wife @bethers007]

@BishopRJMalone @Pontifex Bishop Malone resign immediately. This must stop. #bishopmalonetapes #WWJD