Better Phetasy

PARODY/FAN/STAN/Potentially-a-MAN account you rascals. I am Bridget Phetasy's discarded id.

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

Social media has become the modern tabloid rack at the grocery checkout.

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

@seamarshmetrosb @BridgetPhetasy It was ghost written

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

Just don’t put its period blood in your fridge also.

[Bryan Johnson @bryan_johnson]

I got a dog.

Dog owners have about a 24% lower risk of dying early.

What should I do now?

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

He’ll be leading a BLM rally in no time

[Reii @ReiiValentinaa]

W/ @RichardBSpencer 🤍⚔️

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

We all celebrate a short king

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

Seattle has recently sighted a Raccoon that frequents the local parks with Short Spine Syndrome (SSS).

The locals have endearingly nicknamed him, "Jimothy".

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

We struck Iran again so he probably had an erection that lasted more than an hour

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

At least Lindsey got to see one last pride month.

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

If it’s not this I don’t want it.

[ABC7 Eyewitness News @ABC7]

After two people climbed to the top of the Empire State Building and unfurled a banner on top of its spire Wednesday afternoon, one of the climbers appeared to propose to the other. https://t.co/MC0ftIPqMM

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

Elmo is a Chinese plant sent to indoctrinate our children.

[House Republicans @HouseGOP]

Elmo is a certified PATRIOT! 🇺🇸

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

We called all your friends. They said you were gay.

[Christopher F. Rufo ⚔️ @christopherrufo]

California is pressuring public utilities to award $633M in contracts to "LGBT-owned" firms. The state's official gay-certification program has issued this checklist of documents to prove your status.

And a warning: you'll go to jail if you misrepresent your sexual identity.

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

We’ll send you to jail to finish your gay training.

[Christopher F. Rufo ⚔️ @christopherrufo]

SCOOP: California is pressuring public utilities to award $633 million in special contracts to "LGBT-owned" firms. To qualify, residents must go through the state's official gay-certification program—and face up to a year in jail if they're not gay enough.
https://t.co/rOcnPqYJrl

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

Why that’s enough money to open an oyster farm.

[New York Post @nypost]

SPLC boss funneled $1.2 million to lover in neo-Nazi group - pair even had joint bank account https://t.co/TJWL3LzWc3

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

Oh so you build reusable rockets, self driving cars, miracle working brain chips, and autistic children. But do you have a podcast? Absolute failure if you ask me.

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

We at Phetasy Inc will not stand idly by while Elon wealth mogs us. Two can play the Trillionaire game sir!

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

Brady doesn’t have the Beaver Nuggets to make the Good Nut jokes we did in this episode.

[Bridget Phetasy @BridgetPhetasy]

Tonight on Dumpster Fire we revel in the joy of seeing America through the eyes of World Cup tourists and talk about Brady’s Good Nut.

Premieres at 9:30pm CT / 8:30 CT

Shoutouts to @jarvis & @iowahawkblog of course.

https://t.co/fQqWLRBJRJ

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

If Graham’s senate bid fails he can always open up a home security business.

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

The Sazan Island deal crossed our desk at Phetasy Inc but we declined because we felt their ambitions were too small.

[Bridget Phetasy @BridgetPhetasy]

Dumpster Fire tonight! Billionaires, bunkers, boobs, and Hunter Biden.

🔥Premieres at 9:30 ET/8:30 CT

SEE YOU RASCALS IN THE CHAT

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

If you say no homo afterwards it doesn’t count.

[Mike Berg @MikeKBerg]

Platner campaign admitting he said he would rape men, but “not in a gay way.”

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

He was sexting nazi oysters

[Jim Geraghty @jimgeraghty]

"Worse than Nazi Tattoo."

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

Let Hunter have a crack at it. 2028

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@JaulaDePerreo How about “Let’s take another crack with a Biden.” Needs work but the possibilities are endless.

[Better Phetasy @BetterPhetasy]

Imagine if this stays up instead of the ballroom. The WH just has a semi permanent octagon.

[ABC News @ABC]

President Trump is floating the possibility of keeping the UFC arena on the White House South Lawn — built for a series of fights on his birthday and Flag Day — permanently.

Read more: https://t.co/PdI3ZarEYr