Britt Foy

basically your best guy friend, but with lady parts

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

When your toddler drops something but starts doing the pregnancy squat to pick it up, it’s time for the baby to come out
🤰😮‍💨😂😂😂

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

Being in your 30s is realizing you had a good day because you talked to all 4 of your friends 😂😂

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

@EmilyChristina Everyone’s name to the tune of Baby Shark over and over

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

If you pull up to Dunkin with your kid singing at the top of her lungs, your coffee should be free. I don’t make the rules.

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

I don’t send enough professional emails to use it but if someone could make their signature “wishing to be the friction in your jeans” today I’d consider it a personal favor. Thank you.

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

The number of girlies who are going to have a chicken scratch man-writing “mine” tattoo on their thigh because of TTPD is wild

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

One thing about me is that if the last 10 minutes of My Cousin Vinny is on tv, I’m gonna watch it and I’m gonna do one hell of a Marisa Tomei impression whether you like it or not

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

@EmilyChristina On a Rae Dunn mug though?!

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

Imagine if they made one of those Hobby Lobby signs that said “Slay at Home Mom”

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

A children’s song parody of “smoke two joints” by Sublime but it’s “brush your teeth” 🪥 Follow me for more millennial parenting tips

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

Fun fact: Kenny Rogers actually wrote “the gambler” about arguing with a toddler

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

Every day is leg day with a two year old

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

Sorry I’m late I was watching the Treblemakers finale from the first pitch perfect on tiktok

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

Truly can’t wait for every Instagram picture on Thursday to be captioned “it’s giving ✨thanks✨”

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

Whoever taught my toddler the phrase “I don’t know!” when asked a direct question can eat my left shoe. Spoiler alert- it was probably me 🤦🏼‍♀️

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

My only dating advice is don’t watch New Girl together too early or you’ll be living with one phone charger your whole life 🪫😂

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

Does that thing where you bite a dog’s ear to assert dominance work on toddlers? Asking for a friend.

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

“No I can’t open the acorn, I’m not a squirrel” and other things I’ve said to my kid in the last 24 hours

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

When your toddler looks at the empty corner of the room and goes “who’s that?!” 😳 NOPE

[Britt Foy @Bfoyandafter]

My definition of ✨girl dinner✨ is 15-35 bites of whatever I see first when I come home from work