Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

It's not enough that I should succeed - others should fail. Sometime you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot

[Dr. Bunsen Honeydew @bighead_ted]

Me and my biggest fan

[jimmy montague @jimmymontague69]

One thing that rocks about committing to being bald is I no longer ever have to be like “oh do i look good today?” The answer is just a permanent No and i can keep it pushing

[Neet @neet_sol]

rough day at work today but at least it’s only for another 40 years

[weird medieval guys @WeirdMedieval]

you fools….where do you think they’re rowing to…..?

[Jaimie @mountainwesttax]

me: today is the day I stop letting my toddler eat only fruit and bread

two hours later

me: yes m’lord. sorry for the egg m’lord. here is your third tortilla m’lord

[bart @soxbart]

“It’s filled with popcorn.”

Yeah not falling for that. Literally how they tricked Troy.

[Rob Rausch Fan Club @ohjamesgotjokes]

Philadelphia when we finally permanently flood 676

[a.j. ⚧️🛸 @normalmaxxedaj]

now we’re Cooking with gas

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

scientists are calling me "the one person that is allowed to put q-tips into their ear canal" saying things like "she's just so careful" and "i don't know how she does it"

[julia @juumelo_]

we all talked about it and decided we’re putting you in the soup I’m so sorry man

[doomer @uncledoomer]

how it feels to be 30

[Out of Context Human Race @NoContextHumans]

Planet tier list

[RickRaptor105 @RickRaptor105]

The Moby Dick fandom is dying.

Retweet if you're a true Dickhead.

[Hollywood Deals @LocalDingus]

the mold growing in my water bottle said you would say that

[bean smoothie™ @beansm00thie]

therapist told me it'd be easier if i just blew my shit smoove off

[Tanner @MooreForAll]

Dinner as a single man like $20 you add a woman its now $100

[taoki @justalexoki]

not a huge fan of all the doctors looking at my wife's Vagina. they should let you do it and just tell you what to look for

[Paladin Posting @DevotionOath]

do NOT buy a cursed sword from the warlock merchant. This thing hath been moaning whenever I parry 😭😭😭

[Dr. Bunsen Honeydew @bighead_ted]

Thank god my goat @vinfosh has some integrity and would never sleep with someone for insider info.

[New York Post @nypost]

New England Patriots’ Mike Vrabel and top NY Times NFL reporter Dianna Russini hold hands and hug at luxury hotel https://t.co/kgk6uoumOU