Melissa Wright

I'm taking average to the next level.

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

Some people are the mental equivalent to a leg humping chihuahua.
#peoplearecrazy

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@CarnivalCruise more than irritated that YOUR employee made error on my fully paid casino offer reservation and calls today to cancel or rebook at full price. I knew it was too good to be true. His fault should have made it right.

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@tedcruz stop this shit. I have voted and donated. But never again. This is harassing

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

Oddest @bfsrocks concert ever in my hometown. Sure am glad I got the fuck outta my hometown.

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

Me in that #SHEIN dress. #fatgirl

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@davidortiz got it wrong again... Let's go Rangers!!

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@Pink Are you kidding!! Sorry you're feeling bad, but we have the worst luck, 11 years ago in Denver and now Dallas.

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@bestwestern Plus in Euless, Texas is horrible! Two rooms, both AC units leaking. Carpet saturated. Offered towels to walk on. Changed rooms, same thing. Checked out and moved. Offered 2500 points for the inconvenience. Completely unacceptable. #NeverAgain

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@galleywinter Sad day in the Lone Star State.

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@StateFarm you refuse to pay on portions of my homeowners claim... but never fail to put your hand out

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@StateFarm is the "good neighbor" as long as you are paying them and no claims. Significant wind event wrecked our house and structures. Now we must fight for the coverage we've paid for over 20 years. You can do better... and make it right without a fight.

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@jaret2113 put on a great show Saturday night in Wichita Falls doing his country thing. JRR and @robpending bring the banter that every BFS loves. You can tell these guys are having fun and make great music in the process. #goodones #waymorecountry

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

Going to launch a new #onlinedating app on May 5th. It's for single ladies trying to find Mexican men. I'm calling it Pico de Guy Yo!

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@RadioRonRoss @SIRIUSXM When my subscription comes up for renewal, I'm done. You were the sunshine on my way to work.

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@bfsrocks @SadeOfficial Wishing Well #terencetrentdarby

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@bfsrocks @simpleplan It's cause @SoupBowlerChris never won the joke bit during the shows that pushed him out. The fans did this. #freechrisburney

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@jaret2113 None of the silverware or plates match at the really good ones. It's like enchiladas at a yard sale

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

@SoupBowlerChris You're the ray of sunshine that busts through an overcast day. 😘

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

Maybe it's cause I'm fat...but I swear @jasonderulo sounds like he's saying "Sammich Love" #misheardlyrics

[Melissa Wright @bigolepig]

Biden : "Remember the world is watching"

...Yes, and they're all laughing

#StateOfConfusion
#StateOfTheUnionAddress