not a ‘big ot’

the slutty grim reaper of chicago

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

bro last night was a trade war with canada

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

shopping for a weirds looking pillow. nobody tells you this is what life is like after you turn 25

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

my 5 year plan is to quit my job and join a group of those old guys who do little synchronized dances while roller skating. they just make it look so tuff

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

you can often find tell how hot a girl is by how loud her keys janglin around is

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

sorry I’ve been gone for the past two years. it’s taken almost 18 months but I think I’ve finally gathered enough evidence to cancel the dog from Air Bud

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

ideal male build

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

smokin on that shit that made her come around the mountain when she came

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

about to smoke and dive right into that good time rock and roll

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

I just couldn’t adult that day, your honor

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

you unlock something deep inside a white boy when you play ABBA around him

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

bro you should come over, I found us the perfect puddle to splash around in

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

*four beers deep voice* it’s a dangerous day to be little baked bean

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

impressing all the leftist girls at the cookout by looking down and shaking my head in disapproval every time fireworks go off

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

@s4m31p4n up late giggling and kicking my feet. can’t sleep because I’m so excited to see my 600 tweets tomorrow 😝

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

@hanfjob karaoke mostly

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

*trying to convince a group of people smoking cigarettes to smoke a joint with me*

alright guys now time for a silly one

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

last night was a stoner girl comedy written by kristen stewart

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

studio ghibli needs to make a movie set in Boise Idaho

[not a ‘big ot’ @bigottimerush]

this is how I feel when there’s no more modelo in the bottom of my fridge