Heather Humphrey

Writer, Teacher, PhD student, Petter of Dogs

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

I just earned “zone minutes” on my Fitbit for the first time ever. While shoveling. Thank you #SnowStorm2020

[Tommy Stella @tommy_stella]

If he does another season of The Apprentice, every contestant who gets fired should just say "nahhh" and hang in the background for the rest of the season

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

The man handing out ballots at my polling place snapped at the little girl w/ the lady in front of me “that isn’t for you” when she picked up an “I voted” sticker. Her mom then stared at him while sweeping all the “Future Voter” stickers into her purse. #mompower #govote

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

You know you’re getting old when the neighbor you used to party with comes over to bitch about the price of soup. #middleage

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

@thatjoshuakid I was the creepy blue bus driver staring at you on Court St yesterday. I didn’t know you returned to town!? 😍😎🥰

[Jeff Tiedrich @itsJeffTiedrich]

hang on, am I understanding this correctly? covid-19 is so out of control that the election in November has to be postponed, but it's also so under control that we need to be packing the nation's children back into their schools right now? yeah cool, that totally checks out

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

My old fashioned (usually) narrow minded husband just analyzed his own dream. I’m calling this a win. #changeisgood

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

I hate Panopto. #academia #academiclife #fuckpanopto

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

Almost done grading spring semester papers. Summer class has full enrollment. I’m okay. It’s all going to be okay. #academiclife

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

Advice for academics during lockdown: do not answer student emails when drunk. #onlinelearning #academichonesty

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

I thought I was doing okay till a friend mildly disagreed with me on something today and I felt homicidal. Time to stop watching the news?

[Shrew Literary Magazine @ShrewLitMag]

Shrew Issue 12: The Answers to the Universe is out now! Check it out!https://t.co/kIEOW5yWpF

Thank you to everyone who helped us create this amazing issue.

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

Check out the awesome @ShrewLitMag and my latest blog post featured on their awesome site.

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

And I just creepy whispered to her “you’re my favorite.” #labradorlove

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

Sample thing I say to my dog after 6 beers: “I love the way you smell, even when you smell like a dog.” #ilovemydogmorethanmostpeople

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

@adamgellings Same! I’m using candy to bribe my bus passengers to take a barf bag this year. #academe

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

Me, every single time I walk into Staples

[AUTHOR In Your MFA @GuyInYourMFA]

I have purchased a new Moleskine notebook. Finally, THIS is the thing I’ve needed to begin writing the great American novel that will will change the literary landscape. The thing holding me back was the lack of new notebook!

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

The excuses my sophomore and junior students are currently giving me for being late and missing class is making me miss my semi-apologetic freshmen from last year. Today I got one "but I live 38 minutes from campus" and a "I was stuck in a time loop." #academiclife

[Harpur Palate @HarpurPalate]

Kendra Allen's essay collection can be found here: https://t.co/0NLTXAiaLU

[Heather Humphrey @bigred9094]

@DaniBSchwartz Congratulations!!